You don't have to be perfect to be the perfect parent!

Keep that holiday feeling….

old christmas tree

I am sitting here gearing up for taking down my Christmas tree.  It is tired, the needles are dropping, but I am enjoying it again this early morning.  I always hate taking that first ornament off the tree, kind of represents the end of a season I love.  I was telling my daughter this as she left to go back to work and grad school, and she reminded me of the quote the kids had put on the back of a photo album they gave my husband and me for Christmas…”Smile because it happened, don’t cry because it’s done.”  It has been a wonderful season, and we can enjoy the memories but also keep the “holiday season feel” if we try.  Part of that “holiday feel” is the traditional giving that occurs during the holidays.  Everyone seems to be more in tune to sharing with others, enjoying family, and building relationships.  How can that feeling continue after the last ornament comes off my tree today?  I believe that much of this feeling can become a part of your family by simply continuing the holiday giving throughout the year.  What do I mean?

We all want to raise children that are happy, confident and good people.  Often it is easy to concentrate on your child’s happiness and try to provide all that they need and want to “make” them happy.   True happiness and self-esteem cannot be bought or given to our children, and happiness is empty without moral character.  We as parents can’t just “talk the talk” about empathy and moral character, we must provide opportunities for our children to develop those characteristics.

Empathy begins at a very young age.  At age 2 a toddler may try to comfort a crying child, but then grab a toy away from them the next second!  At 3, children are more aware of other’s feelings and will begin to share.  With guidance, by age 4 children can understand when they have hurt another and will apologize with prompting.  By school age, children will be able to come up with ideas on how to help others, can share easily, and can discuss feelings.

This development of character doesn’t just happen on its own.  Parents have to make the effort to provide opportunities for children to be compassionate and reach out to others. Children need contact with others to develop empathy.  Empathy is not developed with electronics; it is developed with true personal relationships.  So much of our relationships now are through Facebook, text, and e-mail.  Children need a person to person relationship to foster empathy; a relationship is not just “liking” someone on Facebook!

Reaching out in kindness doesn’t just benefit others….it benefits your child and family too.  People who volunteer are healthier and happier.  Studies show us that kids that volunteer are better students and make better life choices.  Volunteering teaches responsibility and increases self-esteem.

Building a family culture of volunteering and caring is simple; you don’t have to take a mission trip to a third world country to accomplish it.  Simple family activities of writing thank you notes, visiting elderly relatives and friends, bringing cookies to neighbors, picking up trash in the park, holding animals at the animal shelter, delivering a meal to a sick friend, bringing in the neighbor’s trash cans and yes, volunteering to help others during the holidays all build a culture of caring.  Caring and empathy will soon become as natural to your child as getting dressed in the morning.    If your child experiences the feeling of “doing good for others”, I promise it will become addictive and a habit.

So, as you pack up your kids to visit a lonely friend, or you help them draw pictures to mail to our service men and women, or your kitchen is a disaster from them “helping you” bake for a neighbor, or you spend an hour helping your child pick out a gift for the needy, you might question, is this really worth it?  Would it be easier to say no….yes!  Would it be easier to do it yourself and check it off your list…..yes!   But, I can promise you, it is worth more for your child and our community than the effort you put forth.  

Where can you find ideas for family service?  Try local churches, food pantries, shelters, or this great website, www.generationon.org.  Commit to helping provide your child and yourself with opportunities to reach out to others in 2014.  I am making that commitment and maybe some of that holiday feeling will remain after l take the last ornament off my tree today…

Take a breath, enjoy the joyful moments of each day, and remember you don’t have to be perfect to be the perfect parent.



  1. Brett Daniels

    What a great post, thanks you for sharing and I couldn’t agree more. My wife and I just read a great book I’d like to share with other parents called “Teaching Kids to Be Good People” by Annie Fox, M.Ed. You can check her and the book out on the website http://www.anniefox.com/. It’s a wonderful read and I’d recommend it to anyone. Thanks again for the post.


  2. Teri

    Thanks for a great post. Another wonderful resource is http://www.bigheartedfamilies.org which is a program of an organization called Doing Good Together.


    • Thanks for the comment…love the resource you posted! Great website with great ideas for families!



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