Don’t let comparisons steal your joy and contentment!
Comparisons steal your joy and contentment as a Mom!
I caught myself doing it again this morning….thinking “Why can’t I be more like “so and so” who always has time to…..” As I said this to myself, I could feel the negativity creep into my morning, the joy being sucked out of my morning cup of coffee. The fact is…when we compare ourselves to someone else, or wish we could trade places, all we are doing is stealing the joy we have in OUR life. If we “switched” into someone else’s “perfect life” we would also have their “imperfect” challenges which may be very different from ours! Comparison only leads to anxiety and discontent. We must choose to be intentional and purposeful in our life so that we can make the most of where we are instead of wishing we were at some other stage in life or in a different situation.
Comparisons tend to creep into many aspects of our lives…she is more fit, she cooks more than I do, her TV screen doesn’t have fingerprints, her child is rolling over already, her son is speaking in full sentences, her husband pitches in more and the list goes on…..All these comparisons bring unnecessary stress and discontent into our lives. Wondering why your friend’s 11 month old is toddling about and your 13 month old is still holding on to the coffee table steals your moment of joy when your child grins at you. Here are a few reasons to stay away from comparisons:
- A child who is developing at a “normal” rate (remember there is a wide range of normal) is perfect! A child who is developing a bit quicker is not more likely to be successful than your child! Relax and enjoy.
- What works for one Mom may not work for you and your child, no matter how wonderful it seems. Relax and trust what works for you and your family.
- Working outside the home, working inside the home, childcare, breastfeeding, formula feeding, organic food…all these are personal decisions. If you are content and your child is happy and developing well, ignore the chatter or arguments. You don’t know their whole story and they don’t know yours. Relax and trust your choices for your family.
- No one is as perfect as they seem on Pinterest! Pinterest fails are more common than Pinterest perfection. Relax and enjoy, children don’t need the perfect birthday party decorations to have fun!
If we keep telling ourselves that we are exactly where we are supposed to be…our children will grow up knowing that the life you have at this moment is full of challenge at times, but also so full of joy if we choose to see it. What a better lesson than an example of continuous discontent! The simple joy of my quiet morning cup of coffee is much better than wondering if I should be doing or accomplishing something else. Once again, I have vowed this morning not to let comparisons steal my joy and contentment today.
Take a breath, enjoy the joyful moments of each day, and remember you don’t have to be perfect to be the perfect parent.
Cindy
“We always do that!” Why Family Tradition is Important!
Our “traditional” Christmas tree. A little more “perfectly” decorated than years past….there are ornaments even on the bottom of the tree now!
If we are smart we listen to our children when they say “That is how we always do it!” or “That is what we always do!” even when we have only done it that way one other time. Your child is not just talking about the good time he had, but the fact that it meant something to him and he thinks to you too. One of my favorite quotes is from the book The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, “We live not by things, but the meaning of things.” It is not what you do or eat that is important, it is the meaning and feeling that comes with what you are doing that is so important to your child.
There are 3 important “pillars” in a family, our family values, our family norms, and our family rituals and traditions. If we don’t take time to develop each of these pillars….we usually will run on a “default” mode of doing what is easy at the time. Being intentional as a family is very important.
Values… what is most important to your family. Values are what you want as a parent to pass to your children. For some these values may center around Religion, or the value of education, or the value of respect and kindness, or the value of taking care of our earth. In order for a value to become engrained in your child there must be norms or “rules and rituals” that follow these values. If Religion is a value, your family will attend church together, participate in family prayer, and become involved in activities which reflect your beliefs. If education is a value, your family might read together, limit screen time and have rules regarding homework and effort in school. If kindness and respect are values, your family may have norms or rules about conflict resolution, sharing, and rules around words that are spoken.
Traditions and rituals are very intentional. These are family activities that have a purpose or meaning behind them and support your family values. Some are simply daily rituals, like bedtime routines and family dinners. Some are weekly rituals like Friday pizza nights or movie nights. Some occur with the season or with family milestones like the traditions of the holidays or 1st day of school pictures. The daily, weekly, and seasonal rituals and traditions tell your child what is important to your family.
Creating your own special rituals and traditions now and repeating them throughout your child’s life will help during periods of stress in a family. Faithfully repeating these rituals and traditions helps a child feel secure, provides stability, and a sense of pride and belonging to your family. Even during a family crises, the fact that a bedtime ritual or a Christmas celebration looks somewhat the same brings a sense of security and stability to a child.
Four reasons tradition is important to a family:
1. Traditions help make life predictable. Rituals that are followed daily, weekly, and yearly such as family dinners, nightly stories, spring picnics; holiday songs etc. helps make children feel secure. Their world is often unpredictable—keeping things predictable at home gives security.
2. Traditions give families a time to connect. Sometimes we can feel unconnected when we get busy. Family meals, stories, game nights etc. help us reconnect and start talking. Soon we know what is going on in our children’s lives.
3. Family traditions teach children family values. Service work, religious ceremonies, concern for the environment and many other values can be established through family traditions and rituals. These are values that when they are reinforced with traditional activities, your child will bring them with him to adulthood.
4. Traditions form a family identity. Build a family group for your child to feel connected to and this will often prevent them from trying to find other less suitable groups to identify with. A child’s family is a huge piece of their identity.
Traditions and rituals can be very simple…it is the act of repeating them, allowing them to change with your family’s “season in life” and keeping them fun that is the key. If something is not fun anymore, then let it go!
Don’t get hung up on creating the perfect rituals, let them happen naturally based on what your family enjoys. Many rituals and traditions just happen. The wonderful thing about becoming your own family is that you have the opportunity to create your own traditions and rituals from scratch. Some you will come up with on your own, some you will borrow, and some you will discard from your past, but the traditions you repeat will become part of who your unique family is.
Some suggestions to try during the holiday season:
- Take a drive in pajamas to see the holiday lights.
- Take a hike in a local park and find some natural decorations for your tree or to make other holiday decorations.
- Make a homemade Christmas tree ornament. Date it, and each year you will add to the collection.
- Bake Christmas cookies or Hanukkah treats and share with friends and neighbors.
- Draw Secret Santas in the family. Each Secret Santa will complete a kind deed for the family member he or she drew.
- Have a traditional Christmas breakfast, or Christmas Eve dinner.
- Attend religious services together.
- Lay a piece of straw in the Baby Jesus’ bed each day if a child has done a good deed.
- Read a holiday story each night.
- Have a traditional Advent wreath or Advent calendar.
- Have a Christmas countdown chain. Make a construction paper chain and tear one link off each day until Christmas. Write an activity on each chain link that you will do that day.
- Camp out under your Christmas tree one night.
- Go caroling.
- Make a birthday cake for Jesus.
- String popcorn for your tree.
And the list can go on and on….share some of your favorite traditions and rituals!
Remember, family tradition endears your child to your family and establishes an everlasting family bond. The celebration, the meal, and the activities do not need to be perfect, the perfection comes from a celebration steeped in tradition and full of fun memories that draw a family together….that is perfection…
Take a breath, enjoy the joyful moments of each day, and remember you don’t have to be perfect to be the perfect parent.
Cindy
Keeping the Fun in the Holidays, and the Stress Out!
Every year when the holidays approach there is a “to do list” that can seem daunting. The fact is, your child will enjoy the season more, and you will too, if you limit that list and some of the stress that comes with it!
This year, promise yourself to enjoy the season and its magic with your child….here are a few suggestion that might help your level of holiday stress. Share your tips with us too!
- Set priorities. Sit down and discuss which traditions, decorations, parties truly matter to you and your family. Sometimes more fun results from doing less!
- Accept help. Consider if you really need and want to host family gatherings this year, and if so split the responsibilities with others. Remember, a clean house only lasts a minute when you expect a houseful of guests! Make your home presentable but not necessarily ready to pass the white glove test!
- Plan ahead. Break big jobs down into small steps. Try to be realistic about how long it takes to get things done with young children in the house and allow for the unexpected.
- Stop negative thoughts. If you find yourself feeling inadequate or thinking that you are letting others down remind yourself that your little one is who is most important. You are a Mom or Dad first!
- Keep a sense of humor. Even the worst holiday disasters have the makings of great family memories. Everything looks more perfect when looking back!
- Keep your child’s age and temperament in mind when planning the schedule. Do not schedule too many special events in a row. Try to be sure that your child has quiet time or “down time”. Touch can calm stress in a child and you.
- Shop on-line. Buy the same gift for as many people as possible. (Think picture gifts…your child smiling face is the perfect gift for so many!) Think about limiting your gift list now. What about a family name draw? White elephant gift? Shopping takes patience and shopping with a young child takes a saint! Try to swap babysitting. Have a plan when you do shop, children do best when on the move. Bring plenty of snacks and know when it is time to stop. Be the adult, don’t melt down when your child does!
- Make Santa a solo event! If a visit to Santa is in the plans, do just that! Visit Santa when your child is well rested. Children that have entered the stranger anxiety phase, which can begin around 7 to 8 months and last into toddler hood, often don’t enjoy the Santa visit. Read about Santa, talk about Santa, wave at Santa from a distance and then try a visit. TRY…don’t force your child to sit on Santa’s lap if there is anxiety and tears. Stand next to Santa for the picture or sit on his lap with you holding your child. If all fails…photo shop Santa into your picture! www.icaughtsanta.com Love this website!!!
- Make 12 dozen of the same kind of cookie rather than 12 different types. Concentrate on the people rather than objects. It is more important to have fun making cookies than have beautiful cookies.
- Make your tree child friendly! I am often asked if I think a tree is worth it when there are active toddlers in the house. ABSOLUTELY, remember family traditions glue your family together. Make your tree family friendly. Decorate it from your child’s eye level down with safe unbreakable ornaments with plastic hooks. Let your child explore those ornaments. (Our tree was redecorated from 2 feet down on many days! That is what made it so beautiful!) You might think about anchoring the top of your tree with fishing line to the wall, which will prevent a little one from pulling it over. A wide based tree stand is a must.
- Don’t expect perfection from yourself or your extended family. Family visits are not times to reform your nieces and nephews or discuss parenting views! Your child is your responsibility! Any comparisons of children are not important. If your child or you are criticized, ignore, if you or your child is complimented…enjoy! Do not pick battles with family members during gatherings, those battles are seldom worth it to you or your child. Be flexible!
- Exercise, breathe, remember to eat well and take a break each day.
- Include your child in holiday activities—it creates roots, bonds, and traditions that will strengthen your family and will create joy and many memories. Appreciate the moments, they are but a moment!
What are your tips to enjoy more and stress less???
Take a breath, enjoy the joyful moments of each day, and remember you don’t have to be perfect to be the perfect parent.
Cindy
What should be in your child’s playroom?
The Holiday Season is here and the shopping has begun! I was in Target this past weekend, the toy choices are overwhelming and expensive! What are the best toys for your child? Which toys will be fun and valuable for your child’s development? It is difficult to decide what toys are the best choice!
I can remember feeling like toys in our house multiplied every night. SURELY we didn’t have THAT many stuffed animals yesterday! Too many toys results in a child who doesn’t play with anything well, they become overwhelmed with the number of toys. Parents also can fall into the trap of buying the newest flashiest toy on the market. We all love our kids, so why wouldn’t we stand in line to buy the “most popular” toy of the season? Many of these flashy toys encourage a child to play passively, using no imagination or creativity. Toys should allow a child to play in several different ways. A child should be able to decide how to play with a toy, the toy should not determine how a child plays. Play is a child’s work, it is through play that a child learns how the world works. As you make that holiday wish list, here are what I think every child needs in his playroom. You might be surprised!
- Blocks and construction type toys
Wooden blocks, cardboard bricks, Legos, and magnetic tiles are all great choices. Depending on your child’s age, you will see children build towers, knock towers over, sort blocks by color, create designs, make roads for cars and tracks for trains and more.
- Art supplies
Creative juices start flowing when a child has a blank piece of paper, crayons, paints, markers, stickers, scissors and any other item you can find in the craft aisle to help with their masterpiece. Blank paper rather than coloring books will provide more encouragement for a child to create. Children age 2 and older love to create on an easel which allows for larger muscle movement which makes drawing and painting easier.
- Books….lots of them!
Provide books in bins so children can see the front of them. The front of the book will interest a child more than the words on the spine of the book on a shelf. Provide books that have flaps, pop ups, and colorful pictures. A corner with a small chair or big floor pillow encourages reading.
- Play kitchen supplies and other child sized house hold items like keys, phones, brooms, rakes etc.
If space allows, a play kitchen is a great investment. Play food, dishes and utensils and other child sized household items encourages great imaginative play and cooperative play with others.
- Doll stroller or shopping cart
All children like to push dolls, stuffed animals, and other toys around. Toddlers and preschoolers are “gatherers” and a doll stroller or shopping cart provides a way for them to collect “treasures” on walks outside or around your home.
- Dress up clothes
Role play is a great way to encourage imagination and development of social skills and empathy. Keep those Halloween costumes out all year in an easily accessible dress up box.
- Puzzles
Puzzles help a child learn to problem solve, develop patience, practice persistence, and develop spatial awareness.
- Medical kit
Play helps a child work through scary or anxiety producing experiences. All children like to give Teddy or Baby a check up and/or shot after a visit to the doctor.
- Musical instruments
Children love to create music. Drums, xylophones, tambourines, shakers all help develop rhythm and a love of music. Children exposed to music and rhythm often are more successful in Math!
- Tool bench
Boys and girls love to hammer and build with “tools”. Allow your child to build. This is the basis of STEM education.
- Tent or play house
Children love small places to hide, read, play quietly or play house, school, or camping. This play house or tent could be as simple as a large box or a blanket thrown over a card table.
- Dolls/stuffed animals
Playing with dolls or stuffed animals fosters empathy development. Pretend role play of Mommy and Daddy is very important.
- Balls
Throwing, catching, kicking are all developmental milestones. Simple games with balls introduce cooperative play and turn taking along with fine and gross motor development.
- Shape sorter
This is a basic toy that will grow with your child. Young toddlers will fill and dump, older toddlers will sort by shape and color, and often children will use it to gather other items. Another great sorting tool is your kitchen muffin tins! Have your child sort different cereals, different colored pompons, or any other item!
- Stacking cups
This less than $10.00 toy is a bargain! This will last a child from 6 months through preschool. Children bang them, stack them, pour and dump water and sand, “drink” from them and learn size and volume with them!
- Clay/Play-dough
Children will love to squish, roll, and create with clay. The use of hands to roll and shape creations develops fine motors skills used for writing.
- Pedal powered ride on toy
Learning to pedal is a developmental milestone for 2 to 3 year olds. Ride on toys get children needed outdoor time and exercise along with development of coordination.
- Cars, trucks, and or train
Children love toys that move. Purchase cars, trucks, and trains that are easy to handle and run on “kid power”.
- Farm or other toy with animals
Farm animals, dinosaurs, and/or zoo animals are a great way for children to learn about animals, habitats, and encourages imaginative play.
- Board games
Even preschooler can participate in board games. Board games help a child develop skills in handling winning and losing, taking turns, and cooperative play. Board games are much more valuable than video games which do not provide as much person to person interaction.
And yes, sometimes just a large box or two, plastic containers or a few laundry baskets will provide hours of entertainment and imaginative play for your child! Toys do not need to be expensive! Remember that a toy is only valuable if your child plays with it! Quality is more important than quantity of toys. Often the best toys don’t come with batteries. And most important, allow your child to play freely…a child who plays well is learning!
Take a breath, enjoy the joyful moments of each day, and remember you don’t have to be perfect to be the perfect parent.
Cindy
What is in your discipline “bag of tricks”?
What is in your discipline bag of tricks?
It was 7:30 am and my day was in full swing. I was chasing a two year old trying to get him dressed again. It is barely an hour into the day and I felt like I was on the verge of yelling and a time out before breakfast just didn’t seem right. Sound familiar? I am a big believer that spanking and yelling are not the best choices for discipline. I have taught 1,2,3 Magic for years….but sometimes you just need something else. Discipline is a parenting must. Children need guidelines, boundaries, expectations, consistency and consequences. I think parents really need a “bag of discipline tricks” to parent effectively. These “tricks” can help prevent physical punishment, increase cooperation, take away some of the No’s in your child’s life and quite honestly maybe bring a smile to you both. Here are a few “tricks” to keep in your repertoire….share a few of your own too!
This is my favorite discipline technique which is very effective when used consistently and according to the rules. Do not use it for everything….save it for behaviors you want to eliminate quickly.
- Remove your child from the conflict and give attention.
I know I always say that we should never give attention to a negative behavior, but if a child is acting inappropriately sometimes simply removing him from the conflict gently and bringing him to another activity of cooperation is effective. Example…You see your child grabbing toys from others and becoming aggressive, you walk up and take him by the hand and say “Come with me I need help getting snack ready.” You have just removed him from the behavior that is inappropriate, not used the word NO, and given positive attention for the cooperative activity. Usually works!
- Change your requests from “go” to “come”.
If you are trying to get your child to do something, approach from a cooperative view-point. Instead of “Go put your coat on.” Try “Come with me to put your coat on.” The tone totally changes and cooperation increases!
- Turn your no to a yes.
Telling a child “no” to a request will often result in a meltdown. When possible, change that “no” to “yes”. Example “I know you want to go outside, we can’t now but yes, we will after lunch.” “Let’s play with the water here in the sink, not the water in the dog’s bowl.” “Leave your shoes on now, we will take them off at home!”
- Try using the “not for” phrase.
“Hands are not for hitting they are for patting and loving.” “Trucks are not for throwing, they are for pushing.” “Food is not for throwing it is for eating.” Soon you may hear your child repeating those phrases to keep himself from the activity!
Nothing like a little humor to diffuse a situation! Try putting that jacket on your child’s leg, or hopping to bed, or singing a silly song. Once you both are smiling cooperation increases.
- Think Like A Toddler.
Why did your child just dump the dog food out again….or throw the ball in the house again…or dump a box of cereal out and stomp on them…??? Yelling “STOP WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” just doesn’t work. A young child doesn’t think about why he is dumping dog food or stomping on cereal, he is thinking this is so fun! When you think like a child you will have more patience and will react a little calmer. Tell your child that the activity looks like so much fun…redirect to something appropriate and have them help you clean up! (as much as a 2 or 3 year old can!)
- Behavior charts and rewards.
Time In is as important as Time Out. What does that mean? Reward your child throughout the day with positive words, stickers, hugs, stories or other positive reinforcements for behavior you like. That positive attention increases that behavior and then allows your child to really FEEL the removal of that positive attention if you give a Time Out for unacceptable behavior. Sticker charts work well at age 2 and older. Younger toddlers…and even older children will often just love a sticker to wear or a stamp on their hand for positive behaviors. If you have ever been to a Gymboree class you know how important that stamp on the hand is! Get creative! I heard of a Mom sending her child to bed with a brown bag every night. If he did not get up, there was something in it in the morning! Ignore unacceptable or annoying behavior when you can and reinforce the positive. Rewards should not always be bought…rewards of time make the most impact.
- Use consistent words to help your child.
“No touch”, “Kind words”, “Good choices”, “Gentle touch”, “Walking feet”….think of a few of your own. The more often your child hears the same consistent phrase, the more likely he will comply with the behavior. A reminder that results in cooperation is better than a punishment after the fact.
- Substitute appropriate behavior.
“Let’s climb on the couch cushions not on the table.” “Let’s throw the ball, not the truck.” “Let’s sing a loud song instead of scream.” Simply saying “no” without an alternative will often result in a meltdown or defiance. Give an alternative to the behavior you don’t want, and make it a similar activity to gain cooperation. Often your child is working on a skill like climbing or throwing!
- Try playing a game to get your child to cooperate.
“Let’s play a pretend game when you get dressed. It is all pretend, but if you do what I say you will get to wear a sticker! Are you ready? OK, Connor let’s pretend….Put your shirt on please.” If he does it you respond, “Wow I can’t believe you could put your shirt on! Are you sure you haven’t played this game before?” Give a big hug and a sticker. Because it is a “game” your little one will be excited about trying it out. Soon it will become merely cooperation.
- Intervene early.
You know your child and their behavior. If you see the unacceptable behavior beginning….redirect early. Don’t let the hit, bite, or shove actually happen. As your child becomes aggressive step in and redirect.
- Be assertive but also a cheer leader.
Don’t be wishy-washy and ask “Would you want to pick up the toys?” or “I am thinking it might be time to pick up and leave.” Be assertive and tell your child what is going to happen so there is no question on who is in charge, then be cheerful and firm on what will happen next. Cheer your child on as they begin to cooperate. Giving the impression that there is a choice or a chance to negotiate when there isn’t always results in conflict.
- Redirect physically.
A child may need to be physically moved from an area to redirect. Sometimes your words will not work. A child who is becoming aggressive should be carried or walked to another activity quickly.
- Praise ten times more than you correct.
Yep, you heard me correctly. Praise effort and not outcome and praise a lot. That is what a Time In is. Time Out removes your attention….the rest of the day should be a Time IN. Time Outs will not work if your child doesn’t feel the difference of the removal of your attention.
- Calm Down Bottles.
Another tool to help your child learn to “flip the switch” to calm down on his own. That is the skill we want all of our children to develop!
- Have an older child determine his or her punishment.
An older preschooler, school age children and teens are very good at deciding what the consequence for their unacceptable behavior should be. Often they are tougher on themselves than you would be. The consequences they decide usually make sense and are remembered.
- Start over….over and over again.
Rewind. This was one of my favorite tools. If your child is just starting off on the wrong foot, or you see a behavior that is inappropriate and can be fixed immediately; simply turn your child in a circle and make a “rewind” sound and let your child try again. I love the second chance to make things right. Sometimes my husband will actually do this to me in the morning if I am grumpy before that morning coffee kicks in!
So, those are a few tricks to put in that discipline bag. Be sure you are taking care of yourself, because we all know that we aren’t able to tap into our patience or discipline approach if we are on empty ourselves. You and your child deserve parents who “fill themselves up” so they are at their best. As time goes on, you will find the discipline approaches that work the best for each of your children. No child’s day should be filled with more “no” than “yes”, more boundary setting than free play, or more tears than smiles. We all will have bad days, but the good moments should outnumber the difficult. Remember, the purpose of boundary setting and discipline is to teach….not to upset your child.
Take a breath, enjoy the joyful moments of each day, and remember you don’t have to be perfect to be the perfect parent.
Cindy
Baby talk! Encouraging language development in your child.
Talking to your child and using lots of animated facial expressions are important for your child’s language development!
Believe me, hearing the sweet voice of your child say “Ma Ma” or “Da Da” is one of those moments you always remember. Later, I can remember thinking….”Maybe I should change my name, I am tired of hearing “MO-OMMMM!” Suddenly it was a two syllable word that rocked the house! Now, I love hearing “Mom” when I get that phone call or one of the kids bursts through the door for a visit! The fact is, language development in your child is exciting and fun, and early development is important. Studies show us that the number of words your child hears is proportionate to the size of his or her vocabulary that is developed. This is through direct spoken words to your child, through conversation or reading, not words heard from the TV or radio, or conversations around your child. Some experts tell us that a parent should be saying 30,000 words per day to their child. Wow, that is a lot of talking! Now I tell you this as a fun fact, not to have you tally mark each word you say to your child! I don’t want to add another task to your day, or worry to your list! The 30,000 per day number does send the message home though that talk is important, and as parents we have to work at talking and reading to our children! In this age of TV, computers, I-Pods and I-Pads, and smart phones; sometimes the spoken word and art of conversation is lost. As a parent we need to bring that art of truly talking with our children back!
What can we do to foster language development in our children?
- Talk to your child! When your infant is looking at you or an object…talk to your child! When your child coos, coo back…this is the start of the art of conversing. Describe what your baby is seeing. Talk about what you are doing during the day. Read stories and talk about the pictures in board books. Studies show that children that hear 30,000 words a day from birth to age 3 have better language skills at 3 but also have an academic edge still in 3rd grade…no matter the socioeconomic level! TALK A LOT TO YOUR CHILD! It can be the great equalizer for academic success!
- Repeat. This helps a child link sound and the meaning of words. By the time a child is about 1, they have most of the sounds that put words together, they just don’t have the words! Repetition helps a child put those sounds into words.
- Always respond to any sound your child makes. When your baby coos, talk back. When your child squeals with a favorite toy, talk about how much your child likes that special toy. When your child babbles and reaches for an item, say what the item is before you give it to your child.
- Play taking turn games. This teaches conversation! Blow on your baby’s tummy and wait for his response. Repeat it again. Play peek-a-boo and other games that encourage taking turns in conversation…cause and effect.
- Eye contact. Your child needs to see your face when you are talking. This helps your child see how the words are formed by watching your mouth. Your smiles, facial expressions and encouragement gives your child positive reinforcement for their attempts in communicating.
- “Motherese” is good! The high-pitched sing-song voice most moms use to talk to their baby is good! Babies like the pitch of this type of talk and the slow pace helps them understand better. Teach Dad how to do it! It tends to come more naturally to Moms.
- Give your child the opportunity to talk. Don’t anticipate every need, allow your child to point and make attempts to ask for what he or she wants.
- Narrate your day. Talk to your baby as you change a diaper, give a bath, cook a meal. Describe what you are doing and what your child is doing.
- Expand your child’s communication. When your child says “dog”, you can say “Yes that is a dog! It is a brown dog!”
- Read. Reading is a great opportunity to engage with your child. Your child will learn more words and will develop a love of books. Hearing the same book over and over helps to make language connections in your child’s brain.
- Go on field trips! Take your child to the grocery, the post office, on hikes…talk about what you see! Watch your child, and see what he or she is interested in or excited about. Talk about that rock or stick he or she picks up!
- Use music. Music encourages your child to pronounce words and practice putting sentences together. Songs also help children remember things…I still can’t put things in alphabetical order without singing my A B C’s! 🙂
- Play language games. Point and name games like “Where is your nose?” “This is Mommy’s toes, where are your toes?” Helps your child become
- aware of himself and make language connections, plus it is fun!
- Don’t worry but refer early. There is a wide range of normal with speech development. Don’t obsess and worry over your child’s development of speech. Every day work on providing the opportunities to allow your child’s speech to develop. If you have questions or concerns, the earlier you refer for evaluation, the easier most speech delays can be handled.
Language Milestones from The American Speech – Language – Hearing Association
0-3 Months
- Baby will startle to sound
- Quiets or smiles when you speak to him
- Recognizes your voice
- Smiles at you
- Coos
4-6 Months
- Babbles and uses sounds with p, b and m
- Laughs
- Makes excitement sounds and unhappy sounds
- Makes gurgling sounds
- Likes music
7 Months – 1 Year
- Likes “peek-a-boo”, “patty cake”, “soo big!”
- Uses “speech” not crying to sometimes get your attention.
- Uses gestures like pointing, putting arms up, waving.
- Recognizes words that you say like “cup” and other common words.
- Starts to follow 1 step directions.
- About the first birthday will have about 2 or 3 words like ball, ma ma, da da, dog.
1 Year – 2 Year
- Points to pictures in a book when named.
- Knows animal sounds.
- Points to a few body parts when asked.
- Can say a two word question or sentence by age 2.
- Vocabulary expanding every month.
2 Year – 3 Year
- Follows two step directions.
- Has a word for almost everything.
- Is understood most of the time by those with him often.
- Speaks in 2 to 3 word sentences.
- Starting to understand concepts like big and little, up and down, in and on.
When do you refer?
- A baby who doesn’t respond to sound or who doesn’t make vocal sound.
- A child who does not point, or wave “bye bye” at 12 months.
- A child at 18 months that uses gestures over words to communicate.
- A child at age 2 or older that only imitates speech and does not speak spontaneously.
- A child at age 2 who can’t follow simple 1 or 2 step directions.
- A child at age 2 who parents are unable to understand at least 1/2 of the child’s speech, or a 3 year old child that a parent cannot understand 3/4 of the child’s speech.
- A 4 year old child who is not understandable by others.
- Don’t sit and worry….refer early. Most speech referrals are made between 15 months and 2 years of age.
Remember, infants, toddlers, and preschoolers are like little language sponges. Talk, talk, talk, and turn that TV off! Your child will soon be yelling “MO-OMMMMM!”….be careful what you wish for!! 🙂
Take a breath, enjoy the joyful moments of each day, and remember you don’t have to be perfect to be the perfect parent.
Cindy
Keep your precious cargo safe by using a car seat correctly!
Parents must be sure that their child’s car seat is being used correctly…we all have precious cargo!
I read an article this week that really shocked me. There was a study where 22,000 children in car seats were randomly checked at gas stations. Only 3 percent of children between the age of 1 and 3 were in a properly installed backward facing car seat. Only 10 percent of 8 to 10-year-old children were in a properly installed booster seat or car seat! That is such a scary thought since car accidents are the leading cause of death for children. But to be honest, car seats are not easy to install correctly! The manuals are long and sometimes confusing, there are different recommendations by auto manufacturers, and I know the installation of a car seat has caused many an argument between Moms and Dads!
The newest recommendations from the American Academy of Pediatrics state that until at least age 2 your child should sit in a rear facing seat and preferably a child should be rear facing until they reach the highest weight or height allowed by the car seat manufacturer (that means your child most likely will be older than age 2 and still rear facing). Children over the age of 2 can sit in a front facing seat with a 5 point harness until their weight and height exceeds the car seat’s recommendation for the seat. A booster seat should be used until a child is 57 inches tall, which is the average height of an 11-year-old (wow…bet you didn’t realize that!) No child should sit in the front seat until age 13!
Types of car seats:
- Rear facing only
This seat is used for infants up to 22 to 40 pounds depending on the seat. They are small and have handles to carry the seat. Some have a base that can be left in the car.
- Convertible seats that can be used for rear facing
These seats can be used rear facing and then “converted” to forward facing when your child is older. They are bigger than infant seats and do not have handles or a separate base. They often have a higher rear facing weight and height limits which is great for larger babies. They should have a 5 point harness.
- 3 in 1 seats
These seats can be used rear facing, forward facing and as a booster. They may be used longer by your child. (But remember every seat has an expiration date…about 5-6 years)
Installation for rear facing
- The shoulder straps should be at or below your baby’s shoulders.
- The straps should be snug (you shouldn’t be able to pinch any slack) and the chest clip should be at the nipple line.
- The seat should be tight in the car. You should not be able to move it more than an inch side to side or front to back.
- Never put a rear facing seat in the front seat of a car!
- Make sure the seat is at the correct angle so your baby’s head does not flop down. Many seats have an angle indicator or adjusters that can help with this.
- I recommend having a certified car seat technician help install the car seat. This will help with the many questions parents have and may even prevent Mom and Dad from having an argument! 🙂 Check out this website for information on locations of car seat technicians in your area. http://www.nhtsa.gov/cps/cpsfitting/index.cfm
Common questions about rear facing infants
- What if my child’s feet touch the back of the car seat?
No problem…your baby will cross his legs and find a comfortable position. There are few reports of leg injuries from a crash with a baby in this position, but a leg injury is a much less severe injury than a head and neck injury which you are helping to prevent by keeping your child backward facing until age 2 or older.
- What do I do if my baby is slouching in the seat?
You may put blanket rolls on both sides of your baby and a small cloth diaper or blanket between the crotch strap and your baby for a while until your baby grows a bit. Do not ever put padding or blankets or anything behind your baby or add any car seat insert unless it came with the seat or was made by the manufacturer of the car seat. Any additions to a seat may make it work a bit differently and provide less protection for your baby!
- What do I do about winter coats?
Remember that thick winter coats, blankets, or clothing should not be put under the car seat harness or straps. Dress your baby in thin layers and then tuck a blanket around your baby over the harness straps if necessary.
Installation of forward facing seats
- Always know the restrictions of your model. Know the maximum weight and height limits for your seat!
- The shoulder straps should be in the slots that are at or above your child’s shoulders. (This is the opposite from the rear facing position)
- You may need to adjust the angle of the seat when you turn it to forward facing, check your car seat manual.
- Choose to use the LATCH system if your car or van has it OR the seat belt. Do not use both. Check your car or van manual and your car seat manual for proper installation with the LATCH or seat belt. Latch does have a weight limit of 65 lbs total, meaning the weight of the car seat plus your child. If the car seat and your child together weighs over 65 lbs, then you must use the seat belt to secure the seat.
- Use a tether strap. This is a strap that attaches to the top of the seat. It is often on the seat back of the car or van. This gives extra protection by not allowing the car seat and your child’s head to move too far forward in a crash. All vehicles manufactured from 2000 on have them. Check the weight limit for the use of the tether anchor.
Common questions about forward facing car seats.
- Where is the safest spot for the car seat in the back?
The safest spot is where the seat can be installed properly, it is convenient for you to use safely every time. Some LATCH systems are only on the sides of the back seat. Some car seats only fit well in the middle. It depends on your car seat, your vehicle and the number of children you have on where is best for the car seat!
- Should we use a car seat on a plane?
Most infant and convertible car seats can be used on planes. The seat must have a FAA (Federal Aviation Administration) approval label on it. The FAA and the AAP recommend that children use car seats when flying until age 4. This keeps your child safer during takeoff and landing and in turbulence.
So much information…but so important to keep your child safe. We will continue the conversation over the next few days with more tips. What car seat do you use? Why do you like it?
Take a breath, enjoy the joyful moments of each day, and remember you don’t have to be perfect to be the perfect parent.
Cindy
The potty dance, M&Ms and other potty rewards!
The reward of choice at our house during potty training… one M&M for peeing, two M&Ms for pooping and Mommy always got some too!
We have talked about when to start potty training, how to “ditch the diapers” and get moving on the process, what to do with some “potty pitfalls” and a technique to help a resistant trainer…now, for the question your toddler will think is the most important…“What do I get when I potty?”
As a parent, we quickly learn that children respond to reinforcement. We can encourage behavior that we like with reinforcement, and unintentionally, we can encourage behavior we don’t like with reinforcement! Rewards or reinforcement come in many different forms and different ones work for different kids!
The first thing to remember about children is that your attention is the biggest reward or incentive to a child. That attention is so important in your child’s development. This is the important part, attention is attention to a child. Negative attention, lots of yelling, words, emotion and time spent on a negative behavior will probably increase that behavior! So lots of yelling, words, emotion and time spent on potty accidents or pottying resistance will increase that type of behavior. Ignoring or giving very little attention to potty accidents or pottying resistance will decrease that type of behavior.
So let’s talk about some incentives that have worked for toddlers that are working on that huge task of potty training.
- Positive attention. Hugs, words of praise, clapping, high fives, song singing, and yes the potty dance. A little dance celebrating that poop or pee in the potty!
- Stickers. Many children after the age of 2 respond well to stickers and a sticker chart. Let your child pick out stickers at the store and place that sticker on a chart when your child sits on the potty at first, and then later as they go poop or pee. Some children prefer to “wear” their sticker, or even get to wear one and place one on the chart too.
- Treats. M & Ms were the treat of choice in my house with potty training. As I have said, I used them to reward myself too for the success! Again, you would start out rewarding for sitting on the potty and then eventually for going potty. Other suggestions would be raisins, marshmallows, or any other treat that your child would not receive routinely. Sometimes a jar of these treats placed in plain view is a motivator for children.
- Dye the toilet water. Put a few drops of red or blue food coloring in the water, when your child pees…wow it changes to orange or green! A motivator for learning to pee on the toilet! Also helpful when little boys are learning to aim a bit better. A handful of Cheerios as targets also work.
- Stamps. Some children are more excited about stamps than stickers. Put a stamp on your child’s hand, cheek, tummy, let them decide! The problem may be convincing them to wash them off in the tub!
- Coloring book. Pick out a coloring book together. Every time your child has success, let him color a page.
- Marbles or coins. Every time your child is successful, let him place a marble or coin in a jar. After a certain number of marbles or coins, he gets a prize. This works well for a child that has been progressing in potty training and is trying to go several days without accidents. Not a good choice for the very start when children need an immediate reinforcement every time there is a success.
I know there are other incentives or reinforcements that have worked. The point is, your child has to think the reward has value to him and it must be a reward and not a bribe. A bribe is given before the potty success…a reward is given after a potty success. Always reward, don’t bribe. Rewards that are temporary also seem to be more effective too. The sticker will be taken off, the stamp washes off, the candy is eaten…..this gives incentive to get another!
All of us respond well to positive reinforcement. All of us like to be rewarded. Find one that works for your child and your potty training experience will be a little easier. It might be nice to find one for yourself too….wish they would have had peanut butter M & Ms when I was potty training my kids!
Share a potty training incentive that worked for you and your child!! We all are in this together. 🙂
Take a breath, enjoy the joyful moments of each day, and remember you don’t have to be perfect to be the perfect parent.
Cindy
Tell the people you love, “You rock!”
Don’t just tell your kids they “rock”…tell them why!
A little “Throw back Thursday”…..a post that helps us to remember to tell those we love the most why we do! Happy Thursday!
I was getting ready to mail a card to my college aged kids the other day. I try to send a “snail mail” card every couple of weeks. I have a lot of contact with my college kids by texting and cell phones, but there is something about that written piece of mail in a mailbox that I think kids still love. The cards I send usually are “miss you” or “hang in there” or just “love you” with a little bit of news and maybe a few dollars just because. As I was writing a quick note on one of the cards I had purchased, I read it again. It was simply “you rock”. Nice thought…because my kids do rock…but the more I thought about it, I realized that I often tell them how proud I am, or that I love them, or that they are great but I don’t often tell them what specifically makes them so wonderful! I then wrote why my daughter “rocked”; the things that were special and unique about her that I loved. I received a text later thanking me for the card and saying it would be one she would “save forever.” (Not even a mention of the money!) 🙂
How often do we give our kids and other special people in our lives compliments, but have no specifics, just words? Studies show us that compliments that specifically tell our children what they are doing is right or what is special about them helps them build high self-esteem. It is nice to hear that you are a good kid, but better to hear why. I thought about myself, it is great when I hear “I love you” but better when someone tells me what about me they love.
So, I challenge all of us this next week to take a moment and write or say why those special people in our lives are so great. What makes you proud of them? Why is your child or spouse so special? What are some of your favorite qualities in your loved ones? Let’s look at our partners and kids this next week and truly tell them why “they rock!”
Take a breath, enjoy the joyful moments of each day, and remember you don’t have to be perfect to be the perfect parent.
Cindy
Packing tips for traveling with kids…having what you need but keeping it simple.
Vacation season is here! With kids, gone are the days when you can throw a few things in a suitcase and go! There is a bit more to pack with kids…it seems like you will need everything! Making a packing list will help. I often would start a packing list several weeks in advance and as I thought of things we would need, I would add it to the list. Packing can feel overwhelming when you are planning for kids. Just remember, you can usually always wash at your destination if necessary and unless you are going to the outback, there are stores! Don’t try to think of every scenario and try to pack for it! Once you have a list that works for you, save it on your computer for the future! Try and keep it simple!
Packing Tips:
- Plan for one outfit a day per person. Think about mixing and matching and bringing a couple extra tops.
- Think layers…be sure you always have something warm…weather is temperamental and restaurants are cool.
- Plan for at least 3 pairs of PJs per child. You will always have accidents and need at least one extra pair until you can wash.
- Pack total outfits in large freezer type zip lock bags. Top, bottom, undershirt, and socks all together. This makes it easy to find each outfit and helps keep things organized. You can grab a zip lock bag and throw it in your diaper bag when you are on the run and know you have everything you need for a quick change.
- Extra shoes.
- Sun hat, sun screen, sunglasses.
- Plan a diaper an hour for transit and about 5 to 6 diapers a day. Remember, there are Walmart Stores and Target Stores everywhere…don’t bring things that are easier bought at your destination. Think about having Amazon or Target ship your diapers to your destination when taking a long trip. www.jetsetbabies.com or www.babytravelite.com are another great way to ship baby gear ahead!
- Bring several receiving type blankets and a larger blanket for your baby to lie on and stretch.
- Diaper rash ointment, acetaminophen, thermometer, small containers of shampoo and lotion. You never want to be out looking for an open pharmacy at night!
- Keep a list with emergency numbers in your bag. Include your doctor’s phone number and local pharmacy number.
- Pack a night-light. It is nice to have a little light in a strange room!
- Baby Monitor.
- Child proofing kit. This would include twist ties to tie up cords, duct tape to tape over outlets, and antibacterial wipes to wipe down TV remotes and phones. Blue painters tape is a great way to tape things up, cover outlets etc. and kids LOVE to play with it too. Easy to remove from anything also!
- Straw cups, pacifiers, bottles, and enough baby food for transit and to get you started at your destination.
- If traveling by car and you will be spending a night on the road, pack a separate bag for the hotel. Only pack what you will need for the one night on your way to your destination. This is much easier than carrying all of the luggage in for a one night stay!
Pack a small backpack with essentials that are within easy reach in the car or plane:
- A change of clothing for you and your child.
- Extra zip lock bags. (Never can have too many!)
- A diaper an hour and wipes. (Never can have too many wipes! They are NOT for just diaper changes!)
- Pack an extra “portable” bag with a single diaper, diaper cream, and small package of wipes. You can take this small bag into the restroom without bringing the whole diaper bag or backpack.
- Fold up potty seat for a toddler. Post it notes to cover the electronic eye on self flushing toilets…keeps the toilet from flushing and scaring your toddler!
- Extra “lovey”…always have an extra!
- Two straw cups (one to be dirty one to be clean), snack cup, wipeable bib, portable snacks, small fork and spoon, any other necessary restaurant item.
- If you are formula feeding, bring powdered formula. Make up a couple of bottles with the powdered formula so only water needs to be added.
- Baby food for use that day.
- Zip lock with thermometer, travel sized acetaminophen, ibuprofen, band aids, Benadryl, nasal saline drops, and any other medications your child or you are taking.
- A mix of new and old toys…plan for an activity per hour at least. A sample “fun bag” will be posted later.
So, pack smart and start early. Make a list and check it twice, but remember, the only real essentials are items that cannot be bought at your destination…so relax, if you forget something, thank goodness for Target and Walmart….I know you can find either at your destination!
Take a breath, enjoy the joyful moments of each day, and remember you don’t have to be perfect to be the perfect parent.
Cindy
