Are you a worry wart? Learn to stop so you can enjoy parenting.
If you worry about what might be…and wonder what might have been…you will ignore what is. Anonymous
I admit it, I worry. I may even call myself a worry wart. Over the years, I have worried over some pretty silly things. Did it matter that my daughter wanted to wear a pink dress up tutu for 5 straight days everywhere? Hmmmm….no. Did my son with the 104 degree temperature have a rare childhood disease? No. Did I really think he did? Not really, but was the thought in my mind….yes. Have my children ever contracted a disease because my home was dirty? Nope. Have I worried about dust and dirt in the house? Unfortunately, yes. Did grounding my daughter from a dance upset her to the point that she hated me? Yep. Does she love me now? Yep. Did she love me 48 hours after the dance? Yep. Did it matter that my toddler son hated vegetables? Is he healthy now? Does he like them now?….I suppose it mattered, he is healthy and no he still does not love vegetables. Am I a bad Mom because of that…NO!
Over the years I have gotten better with my worry, but I still battle with worry thoughts that don’t really matter. I think most parents harbor worries about their children that simply aren’t worth the space they take up in their brain. There is a study that states only 15% of what we worry about actually ever occurs. I love a quote from Mark Twain, “My life has been filled with calamities, some of which actually happened.” Our worries so often are about calamities that will never happen, but somehow worrying gives us a feeling that we have control over the uncontrollable. The worry about what people thought of my mothering when my daughter was wearing the pink tutu complete with a plastic pink headband for 5 days was really out of my control. People think what they think! The worrying about a rare childhood disease will not PREVENT it from happening…it only increases anxiety. Worry solves nothing. With the media broadcasting about bullying, childhood health issues, pandemics, obesity, evils of the internet, kidnapping, drug use, accidents, elections….the list goes on, how can any responsible parent relax and not worry???
Worry is only effective if it results in a plan of action. Once you have a plan, put the worry to rest. If the worry is not worth a plan of action (the pink tutu) then put it to rest. If your worry does not result in a plan, then it only serves to bring anxiety, generate more concern, and possibly create tension or anxiety in your child. Worry is contagious. Chronic worry can send a message to your child that you believe that only the worst will happen in life, and that life is full of treachery.
So what is a parent to do?
1. Worry well. We will all worry…so do it well. Look at your thoughts and determine if this worry is one to take action on. If so, then make a plan…even write it down. Then, put the worry to bed.
2. Remove the extreme, concentrate on the positive. Ask yourself what is the worst thing that could happen? If it does happen, what will you do? Most of the time, if we are honest, the worst case scenario is still one we can manage.
3. Be real…is this worth the worry? If the worry is one that chances are will never happen….then remove it from your mind.
Most of our worries are statistically not worth the worry. Although always tragic, the biggest worries parents have about serious diseases, kidnapping, school shootings, and abuse; statistics tell us those worries should not be at the top of our list. According to statistics, worries about car accidents, head injuries, water accidents should be at or near the top of our list; and those worries can be largely prevented. Studies show us that if we buckle our child up in a car seat correctly, teach our older children to use seat belts consistently, teach our children to always wear a helmet when riding bikes, skateboards, and scooters, teach basic water safety and never leave our child unattended near or in a body of water then we have greatly reduced, some experts say by 70-90 percent, the most prevalent causes of death and severe injury for our children. Those worries now can come off our list.
So, although worry is a natural part of parenthood and more of a challenge for some of us, it can be controlled and a large part of it eliminated. I know that I am much happier when my worry list is small. Worry robs me of time and energy to enjoy where I am presently. As we start the week, commit to only worrying if it is worthwhile; meaning you can actually control the situation and do something to prevent the problem. Write your worries down and see if they really make sense. Then take a deep breath, pour yourself a cup of something relaxing (Tea? In my case, I may opt for a glass of wine!) put a helmet on your child, don’t worry about the pink tutu and enjoy.
Take a breath, enjoy the joyful moments of each day, and remember you don’t have to be perfect to be the perfect parent.
Cindy
Play is important child’s work!
If you are a kid…then play is your work! If you are an adult…then learn to play!
Sit for a moment and watch your child. Just watch…don’t jump in and give your child something to play with…just watch what your child will do. Children, if left alone and given the opportunity, will play happily with whatever is there. We parents don’t have to do anything or buy anything! Wew! One less thing on your “to do” list! As a matter of fact, parent led play or very organized play is not as valuable as your child playing on his own!
There has been a decrease in the amount of free play time our children have over the last 50 years. Our children now have less recess time at school, go to preschool at an earlier age, have more toys than children of years ago, watch more TV and play video games, play on more organized sports teams and at a younger age…all of this combined has resulted in less true free play time. Much of our children’s play has become adult led and organized. So, why is this a problem? Child led free play is so much more valuable! Free play is a child’s work and it…
- Helps children learn how to work in groups, share, negotiate
- Helps children build a foundation for problem solving
- Helps children figure out the world they live in
- Helps children develop decision making skills
- Helps children find their interests and passions
- Helps develop imagination
- Helps children try on different roles, learn empathy for others
- Helps increase language skills
- Helps foster creativity
- Helps children learn about nature and their environment
Adult led organized play can stifle all of this child’s work. Adult led play forces children to play according to adult rules and this decreases their creative play and their development of leadership skills. Watch your child, they often play with a toy much differently than the way a toy is “supposed” to be used! If left alone, a child will create all kinds of ways to play with a simple toy, if it is not a “one button wonder”. So many of the newer toys do one thing with a push of a button, these types of toys leave little to a child’s imagination or creativity. Going back to some of our basic toys like blocks, puzzles, stacking cups, books and dress up clothes may be much more valuable to our children’s development. Research also shows us that a child really only needs 30 minutes of adult led play a day but at least 60 minutes of child led play a day. So often we parents feel like it is our responsibility to lead our child in play! Child led play is also better than play that is “entertainment” based like TV, video and computer games, and movies. The less screen time a child has before the age of 2 the better! This type of “play” decreases creativity and active play which may be part of the reason we are struggling with an increase in childhood obesity.
Play at every stage of development in childhood is more than just fun, it is a child’s right and a necessity. As a society, I think we underestimate the importance of play. Do you want your child to be happy and successful? Don’t tell your child to just “hit the books” but tell him to “go play.”
Take a breath, enjoy the joyful moments of each day, and remember you don’t have to be perfect to be the perfect parent.
Cindy
What is in your discipline “bag of tricks”?
What is in your discipline bag of tricks?
It was 7:30 am and my day was in full swing. I was chasing a two year old trying to get him dressed again. It is barely an hour into the day and I felt like I was on the verge of yelling and a time out before breakfast just didn’t seem right. Sound familiar? I am a big believer that spanking and yelling are not the best choices for discipline. I have taught 1,2,3 Magic for years….but sometimes you just need something else. Discipline is a parenting must. Children need guidelines, boundaries, expectations, consistency and consequences. I think parents really need a “bag of discipline tricks” to parent effectively. These “tricks” can help prevent physical punishment, increase cooperation, take away some of the No’s in your child’s life and quite honestly maybe bring a smile to you both. Here are a few “tricks” to keep in your repertoire….share a few of your own too!
This is my favorite discipline technique which is very effective when used consistently and according to the rules. Do not use it for everything….save it for behaviors you want to eliminate quickly.
- Remove your child from the conflict and give attention.
I know I always say that we should never give attention to a negative behavior, but if a child is acting inappropriately sometimes simply removing him from the conflict gently and bringing him to another activity of cooperation is effective. Example…You see your child grabbing toys from others and becoming aggressive, you walk up and take him by the hand and say “Come with me I need help getting snack ready.” You have just removed him from the behavior that is inappropriate, not used the word NO, and given positive attention for the cooperative activity. Usually works!
- Change your requests from “go” to “come”.
If you are trying to get your child to do something, approach from a cooperative view-point. Instead of “Go put your coat on.” Try “Come with me to put your coat on.” The tone totally changes and cooperation increases!
- Turn your no to a yes.
Telling a child “no” to a request will often result in a meltdown. When possible, change that “no” to “yes”. Example “I know you want to go outside, we can’t now but yes, we will after lunch.” “Let’s play with the water here in the sink, not the water in the dog’s bowl.” “Leave your shoes on now, we will take them off at home!”
- Try using the “not for” phrase.
“Hands are not for hitting they are for patting and loving.” “Trucks are not for throwing, they are for pushing.” “Food is not for throwing it is for eating.” Soon you may hear your child repeating those phrases to keep himself from the activity!
Nothing like a little humor to diffuse a situation! Try putting that jacket on your child’s leg, or hopping to bed, or singing a silly song. Once you both are smiling cooperation increases.
- Think Like A Toddler.
Why did your child just dump the dog food out again….or throw the ball in the house again…or dump a box of cereal out and stomp on them…??? Yelling “STOP WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” just doesn’t work. A young child doesn’t think about why he is dumping dog food or stomping on cereal, he is thinking this is so fun! When you think like a child you will have more patience and will react a little calmer. Tell your child that the activity looks like so much fun…redirect to something appropriate and have them help you clean up! (as much as a 2 or 3 year old can!)
- Behavior charts and rewards.
Time In is as important as Time Out. What does that mean? Reward your child throughout the day with positive words, stickers, hugs, stories or other positive reinforcements for behavior you like. That positive attention increases that behavior and then allows your child to really FEEL the removal of that positive attention if you give a Time Out for unacceptable behavior. Sticker charts work well at age 2 and older. Younger toddlers…and even older children will often just love a sticker to wear or a stamp on their hand for positive behaviors. If you have ever been to a Gymboree class you know how important that stamp on the hand is! Get creative! I heard of a Mom sending her child to bed with a brown bag every night. If he did not get up, there was something in it in the morning! Ignore unacceptable or annoying behavior when you can and reinforce the positive. Rewards should not always be bought…rewards of time make the most impact.
- Use consistent words to help your child.
“No touch”, “Kind words”, “Good choices”, “Gentle touch”, “Walking feet”….think of a few of your own. The more often your child hears the same consistent phrase, the more likely he will comply with the behavior. A reminder that results in cooperation is better than a punishment after the fact.
- Substitute appropriate behavior.
“Let’s climb on the couch cushions not on the table.” “Let’s throw the ball, not the truck.” “Let’s sing a loud song instead of scream.” Simply saying “no” without an alternative will often result in a meltdown or defiance. Give an alternative to the behavior you don’t want, and make it a similar activity to gain cooperation. Often your child is working on a skill like climbing or throwing!
- Try playing a game to get your child to cooperate.
“Let’s play a pretend game when you get dressed. It is all pretend, but if you do what I say you will get to wear a sticker! Are you ready? OK, Connor let’s pretend….Put your shirt on please.” If he does it you respond, “Wow I can’t believe you could put your shirt on! Are you sure you haven’t played this game before?” Give a big hug and a sticker. Because it is a “game” your little one will be excited about trying it out. Soon it will become merely cooperation.
- Intervene early.
You know your child and their behavior. If you see the unacceptable behavior beginning….redirect early. Don’t let the hit, bite, or shove actually happen. As your child becomes aggressive step in and redirect.
- Be assertive but also a cheer leader.
Don’t be wishy-washy and ask “Would you want to pick up the toys?” or “I am thinking it might be time to pick up and leave.” Be assertive and tell your child what is going to happen so there is no question on who is in charge, then be cheerful and firm on what will happen next. Cheer your child on as they begin to cooperate. Giving the impression that there is a choice or a chance to negotiate when there isn’t always results in conflict.
- Redirect physically.
A child may need to be physically moved from an area to redirect. Sometimes your words will not work. A child who is becoming aggressive should be carried or walked to another activity quickly.
- Praise ten times more than you correct.
Yep, you heard me correctly. Praise effort and not outcome and praise a lot. That is what a Time In is. Time Out removes your attention….the rest of the day should be a Time IN. Time Outs will not work if your child doesn’t feel the difference of the removal of your attention.
- Calm Down Bottles.
Another tool to help your child learn to “flip the switch” to calm down on his own. That is the skill we want all of our children to develop!
- Have an older child determine his or her punishment.
An older preschooler, school age children and teens are very good at deciding what the consequence for their unacceptable behavior should be. Often they are tougher on themselves than you would be. The consequences they decide usually make sense and are remembered.
- Start over….over and over again.
Rewind. This was one of my favorite tools. If your child is just starting off on the wrong foot, or you see a behavior that is inappropriate and can be fixed immediately; simply turn your child in a circle and make a “rewind” sound and let your child try again. I love the second chance to make things right. Sometimes my husband will actually do this to me in the morning if I am grumpy before that morning coffee kicks in!
So, those are a few tricks to put in that discipline bag. Be sure you are taking care of yourself, because we all know that we aren’t able to tap into our patience or discipline approach if we are on empty ourselves. You and your child deserve parents who “fill themselves up” so they are at their best. As time goes on, you will find the discipline approaches that work the best for each of your children. No child’s day should be filled with more “no” than “yes”, more boundary setting than free play, or more tears than smiles. We all will have bad days, but the good moments should outnumber the difficult. Remember, the purpose of boundary setting and discipline is to teach….not to upset your child.
Take a breath, enjoy the joyful moments of each day, and remember you don’t have to be perfect to be the perfect parent.
Cindy
Yes Mom and Dad, your child is resilient.
It is “back to school” time. Honestly, I have always met this time with very mixed feelings. I was excited for my kids and their new experiences ahead and I loved shopping with them for new notebooks and pencils and the coolest folders and pencil pouches. The first day of school pictures of our kids scrubbed and smiling are treasures, but I also was a bit melancholy as I thought about the ending of summer and our relaxed schedule and the family fun of the season.
This year as I listen to the conversations of parents I hear the fear in their voices, I see masks on the school supply lists, I hear about distancing during lunch and recess, and no hugs from teachers; my heart just feels sad. What will these children feel like the first day of school? How will they feel wearing masks? Do they feel safe? How will they continue to grow and learn if their lessons are remote? Will there still be the excitement of the First Day of School?
Then I stop and tell myself, kids are resilient. Kids are pliable…their little hearts and brains adapt. It is easier for them than me.
We as parents cannot control the circumstances of our child’s world, but we can help him or her build resilience to be able to handle the bumps in the road.
Resilience is more than hanging on just hoping that things will get better, it is teaching your child to be adaptive and accept challenge. Resilience is also the ability to appreciate all that is good in life right now instead of concentrating only on the negative. This virus is a challenge, a big one, but there are always challenges in life and supporting our child’s resilience is one of the keys to a happy, successful life. So, what can we do as parents to support our children as they navigate their new world?
Control your emotions
- Your child will follow your lead. If you are anxious, your child will be anxious. Taking care of yourself is key to handling your anxiety. Exercise, eat well, establish a sleep routine, connect with others, and take time to just be. We can’t control the outside world, but we can control our home. Create calm, be sure your child feels safe.
Concentrate on the positive
- Talk in terms of what is good right now. I am a firm believer that every child should end the day on a positive thought. What has been good today? Resiliency focuses on the good even in times of challenge.
Help your child with self -regulation
- When a child reacts with tantrums, whining, acting out, or defiance, many are experiencing powerful feelings or emotions they can’t control. Be patient and work with your child on addressing the emotion:
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- Name the emotion or feeling.
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- “Change is difficult, are you feeling angry or frustrated with all the changes with school?”
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- Ask your child about what he or she feels.
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- Defining this helps your child realize when he or she needs to work on self -calming.
- “When you are upset do you feel your heart pounding or your tummy feeling funny? That is what it feels like when you are very upset.”
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- Model what your child can do to stop the escalation.
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- Take a deep breath, take a step away, separate until he or she feels calmer.
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- Encourage talking about the feelings with you or a trusted friend.
- Move on, find something positive to do.
- Give your child some control or choices.
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- When a child is asked to do something he or she is not happy about, giving choices or some control will result in more cooperation.
- “I am sorry that we have to wear masks to school for safety, why don’t you come with me to choose one that you like the best.” “I know it is disappointing that your soccer team has been cancelled. Would you like to kick the ball in the yard for practice every day or should we head to the park? You choose how to spend your time.”
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- Plan a few minutes every day to simply be with your child.
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- This is time to talk, play, laugh, just be. Your child needs this time to know that no matter what is happening, or how he or she is feeling or reacting, he or she is loved.
Don’t try to remove all stress or challenge from your child
- Placing your child in a bubble or rescuing him or her from all stressors, results in a less resilient child. Exposure to stress and challenge with loving support from parents helps a child develop coping skills.
So as my heart feels heavy as I see our children put on their masks, distance themselves from large groups of friends, navigate the disappointments of sports and other activities being cancelled, celebrate birthday parties with drive by parades….I still see children smiling, accepting the changes, spending more time with family, learning how to wash their hands and stay healthy, learning through technology, reading more books, having more quiet time and yes becoming more resilient. Maybe I can learn from them. Smile Mom and Dad, your child is resilient
Take a breath, enjoy the joyful moments of each day, and remember you don’t have to be perfect to be the perfect parent.
Cindy
Resource:
Picky Toddler Eating
Our daughter, Kaitlyn, the picture of toddler pickiness!
Why is it that we parents worry so much about how much our child is eating? I can remember thinking that how well Kaitlyn ate that day, determined how well I had parented. Not true! Children under the age of one usually nurse or formula feed well, and are eager for the introduction of solid foods. But seemingly over night, our toddlers start to have an opinion about what we feed them! I can remember being very frustrated because I was providing her with this wonderfully healthy meal, and often all she wanted was bananas! To make it more confusing, the next day she may have thrown all those bananas off her tray! My darling daughter was a typical toddler, and with toddlers, meals are often a challenge. Why?
1.Toddlers have slowed down in growth.
The first year of life a child grows very quickly, between birth and a year most children triple their birth weight! A toddler grows much more slowly and seems less hungry.
2. Eating interrupts a toddler’s activity.
Toddlers are busy…any parent can tell you that. Sitting for any length of time just isn’t on the toddler’s agenda!
3. You can’t force a toddler to eat.
A parent’s job is to present a toddler with a wide taste pallet of healthy foods every day. It is up to the child to eat them! The more you force, the more most toddlers turn up their noses. A healthy child offered healthy food will NOT starve themself! A parent’s job is to provide a healthy diet a toddler’s job is to decide!
4. Toddlers usually eat one good meal a day.
Often toddlers will eat a good breakfast, an OK lunch and pick at dinner. Toddlers only need about 40 calories an inch. (Now don’t get that calculator out for your child!) Most will only need about 1000 to 1200 calories a day. By dinner, many toddlers have eaten their required calories for the day!
5. Toddlers like to binge on one food.
Food jags are common in toddlers. One day you can’t fill them up on green beans, and then two days later it is bananas. Some days a toddler may eat only fruit, the next day they may fill up on protein. What a toddler eats over a week is a better picture of their diet intake.
So what is a parent to do….
- Relax!
- Offer food frequently! Toddlers need 3 meals and at least 2 snacks offered each day. Toddlers behave better when they are eating frequently. Their tummies are small and temper tantrums increase when blood sugars are low. Try planning snacks from at least 2 food groups 2 to 3 times a day.
- Dip it! Toddlers like to dip everything. It is fun, and it is messy…two essentials for toddler eating! Humus, yogurt, cottage cheese, guacamole, melted cheese, salsa, peanut butter and even ranch dressing are some essential dips for toddlers.
- Hide it! Hide the broccoli under cheese sauce, shred the veggies and mix them in humus or cream cheese and spread on a tortilla and cut into pin wheels, puree veggies and add them to pasta sauce, lasagna, meatloaf. Make “orange ” pancakes with sweet potato puree or carrot puree and a dash of cinnamon. Get sneaky! When you hide vegetables, make sure you include some on your child’s plate so they learn what a balanced diet looks like.
- Be creative! Kids like fun. Make faces on sandwiches, use cookie cutters and cut shapes in pancakes and bread, make shish-ka-bobs with fruit and pretzel sticks, make party bananas with sprinkles, serve fruit and yogurt in an ice cream cone, try smoothies….
- Remember the toddler serving size! A serving size is a tablespoon per year. One serving of vegetables for a 2-year-old is two tablespoons! Many times we are trying to serve our toddlers adult size portions! The American Academy of Pediatrics has a great “sample” daily meal plan. Take a look!
- Don’t let your toddler “drink” his calories. A toddler should only have 16 to a maximum of 24 ounces of milk a day. That is much less than the 28 to 32 ounces most were drinking before becoming toddlers! If your child drinks too much cow’s milk, he will not eat solid food calories! Too much milk provides too little iron and other needed nutrients! Juice should be limited to only 4 to 6 ounces a day after age 1, better to have the whole fruit than just the juice!
- Let your child “shop” for food. Give your child a few dollars and let them “shop” in the produce section. Your child will be more likely to eat the food he or she “buys”! You might learn to cook and eat a new fruit or vegetable too….you never know what your child may pick out! (this is how I learned to fix spaghetti squash!)
- Let your child “help” prepare food. A child who watches a parent make dinner and “helps” will often be more likely to eat! Let your child have a few choices, control is important for toddlers.
- Let your child be messy. Toddlers explore food with their mouths, taste buds, and hands. They smash food, throw food, spread food, “paint” with food and generally need a bath after most meals. You must allow your toddler to feed himself. You must introduce spoons and forks, and be patient with the fact that it takes time and messes to learn how to use them!
- Don’t battle…try a “No thank you bite”. Toddlers have opinions, and sometimes they are very strong! The more battle there is in a meal, the more likely you will lose! Offer healthy foods and a variety of foods. If your toddler refuses to try something, introduce a “no thank you bite”. One bite and then he can refuse more. You might even ask your child to “kiss” the food, not even take a bite. This may provide just a small enough taste to convince your child to take a bite! Remember, it takes 15 to 20 introductions to a food before your child will develop a definite like or dislike!
Remember, a parent’s job is to PROVIDE healthy meals and snacks….a toddler’s job is to DECIDE what he or she will eat that day. If left alone, toddlers will usually balance their own diet if we just provide good choices. Relax….
Take a breath, enjoy the joyful moments of each day, and remember you don’t have to be perfect to be the perfect parent.
Cindy
Helpful Websites:
Keep your precious cargo safe by using a car seat correctly!
Parents must be sure that their child’s car seat is being used correctly…we all have precious cargo!
I read an study recently in the Journal of Pediatrics which really shocked me.
A total of 291 families (81% of those eligible) participated. Nearly all (95%) CSSs were misused, with 1 or more errors in positioning (86%) and/or installation (77%). Serious CSS misuse occurred for 91% of all infants. Frequent misuses included harness and chest clip errors, incorrect recline angle, and seat belt/lower anchor use errors. https://www.jpeds.com/article/S0022-3476(15)01459-6/fulltext
95% had errors in car seat installation of positioning! That is such a scary thought since car accidents are the leading cause of death for children. But to be honest, car seats are not easy to install correctly! The manuals are long and sometimes confusing, there are different recommendations by auto manufacturers, and I know the installation of a car seat has caused many an argument between Moms and Dads!
The newest recommendations from the American Academy of Pediatrics state that until at least age 2 your child should sit in a rear facing seat and preferably a child should be rear facing until they reach the highest weight or height allowed by the car seat manufacturer (that means your child most likely will be older than age 2 and still rear facing). Children over the age of 2 may sit in a front facing seat with a 5 point harness until their weight and height exceeds the car seat’s recommendation for the seat. A booster seat should be used until a child is 57 inches tall, which is the average height of an 11-year-old (wow…bet you didn’t realize that!) No child should sit in the front seat until age 13! www.healthychildren.org
Types of car seats:
- Rear facing only
This seat is used for infants up to 22 to 40 pounds depending on the seat. They are small and have handles to carry the seat. Some have a base that can be left in the car.
- Convertible seats that can be used for rear facing
These seats can be used rear facing and then “converted” to forward facing when your child is older. They are bigger than infant seats and do not have handles or a separate base. They often have a higher rear facing weight and height limits which is great for larger babies. They should have a 5 point harness.
- 3 in 1 seats
These seats can be used rear facing, forward facing and as a booster. They may be used longer by your child. (But remember every seat has an expiration date…about 5-6 years)
Installation for rear facing
- The shoulder straps should be at or below your baby’s shoulders.
- The straps should be snug (you shouldn’t be able to pinch any slack) and the chest clip should be at the nipple line.
- The seat should be tight in the car. You should not be able to move it more than an inch side to side or front to back.
- Never put a rear facing seat in the front seat of a car!
- Make sure the seat is at the correct angle so your baby’s head does not flop down. Many seats have an angle indicator or adjusters that can help with this.
- I recommend having a certified car seat technician help install the car seat. This will help with the many questions parents have and may even prevent Mom and Dad from having an argument! 🙂 Check out this website for great information on car seats, car seat recommendations and locations of car seat technicians in your area. It is an excellent resource! http://www.nhtsa.gov/cps/cpsfitting/index.cfm
Common questions parents have about car seats:
Rear Facing Seats
- What if my child’s feet touch the back of the car seat?
No problem…your baby will cross his legs and find a comfortable position. There are few reports of leg injuries from a crash with a baby in this position, but a leg injury is a much less severe injury than a head and neck injury which you are helping to prevent by keeping your child backward facing until age 2 or older.
- What do I do if my baby is slouching in the seat?
You may put blanket rolls on both sides of your baby and a small cloth diaper or blanket between the crotch strap and your baby for a while until your baby grows a bit. Do not ever put padding or blankets or anything behind your baby or add any car seat insert unless it came with the seat or was made by the manufacturer of the car seat. Any additions to a seat may make it work a bit differently and provide less protection for your baby!
- What do I do about winter coats?
Remember that thick winter coats, blankets, or clothing should not be put under the car seat harness or straps. Dress your baby in thin layers and then tuck a blanket around your baby over the harness straps if necessary.
Installation of forward facing seats
- Always know the restrictions of your model. Know the maximum weight and height limits for your seat!
- The shoulder straps should be in the slots that are at or above your child’s shoulders. (This is the opposite from the rear facing position)
- You may need to adjust the angle of the seat when you turn it to forward facing, check your car seat manual.
- Choose to use the LATCH system if your car or van has it OR the seat belt. Do not use both. Check your car or van manual and your car seat manual for proper installation with the LATCH or seat belt. Latch does have a weight limit of 65 lbs total, meaning the weight of the car seat plus your child. If the car seat and your child together weighs over 65 lbs, then you must use the seat belt to secure the seat.
- Use a tether strap. This is a strap that attaches to the top of the seat. It is often on the seat back of the car or van. This gives extra protection by not allowing the car seat and your child’s head to move too far forward in a crash. All vehicles manufactured from 2000 on have them. Check the weight limit for the use of the tether anchor.
Common questions about forward facing car seats
- Where is the safest spot for the car seat in the back?
The safest spot is where the seat can be installed properly, it is convenient for you to use safely every time. Some LATCH systems are only on the sides of the back seat. Some car seats only fit well in the middle. It depends on your car seat, your vehicle and the number of children you have on where is best for the car seat!
- Should we use a car seat on a plane?
Most infant and convertible car seats can be used on planes. The seat must have a FAA (Federal Aviation Administration) approval label on it. The FAA and the AAP recommend that children use car seats when flying until age 4. This keeps your child safer during takeoff and landing and in turbulence.
So much information…but so important to keep your child safe. We will continue the conversation over the next few days with more tips. What car seat do you use? Why do you like it?
Take a breath, enjoy the joyful moments of each day, and remember you don’t have to be perfect to be the perfect parent.
Cindy
Parents, Let’s Raise Children Who Can Change the World
So many questions over the last few days. How can we do better? How do we make things different for our children?
Children are not born harboring prejudice or knowing how to bully or how to hurt another physically or emotionally. These are behaviors that are unfortunately learned. About age 2, children will start to notice differences. Children will innocently ask “Why does he have brown skin?” “Why can’t she walk?” “Why does her hair look funny?” Questions like these can result in a parent shushing their child, saying that is not a nice thing to say and never talking about the questions.
The preschool years are a wonderful time to talk with your child about differences that often divide people…skin color, gender, physical challenges, culture, and religious beliefs. This is the perfect time to have true impact on your child’s understanding of what is different and what is similar in all human beings. The way you answer these very honest observations and questions your child has will provide the basis for your child’s decisions, behaviors, and development of core beliefs about people. Children learn…who YOU think is beautiful, who YOU think is smart, who YOU think is good, who YOU thing is bad, who YOU think is strong, who YOU think is weak, who YOU think is scary and who YOU think is not. Your response to your child’s natural curiousity about what is different will result in your child’s development in judgement of others.
Your child learns by what they hear, see and even perceive in your behavior. Children’s questions are not impolite, they are moments of learning opportunities. We must learn how to counter-act the everyday influences on your child that result in prejudice and bias. Parents must answer children with real-life age appropriate honesty.
- Don’t deny differences. Discuss differences openly. Be diverse in the books you read, the videos you watch. Choose wisely so that children see many different people in many different roles.
- Don’t ignore your child’s questions or become upset. Children are curious without any intent to be cruel; they are simply observing and then questioning. If you react embarrassed or don’t respond, you send the message that different is negative.
- Be proud of your family heritage and our country. Teach your child about their family history and our country’s history, celebrate different cultures, talk about leaders from all races, genders, and ethnicities. Embrace the diversity around them.
- Expand your child’s circle. Be sure that your child has the benefit of knowing people of different backgrounds, cultures and experiences. This allows your child to see how similar we of the human race are….not how different.
- Empower your child to do what is right. Root your child in moral values. By age 3 children begin to learn about empathy and feelings. By age 7 children know what is right and what is wrong. Embrace the opportunity to speak to your child about how they impact those around them, how they can make a person feel with a simple word or action.
We as parents have the ability to change the world by raising our children in a way that embraces the very differences that currently divide us.
Take a breath, enjoy the joyful moments of each day, and remember you don’t have to be perfect to be the perfect parent.
Cindy
Protecting your child from bug bites
Protection from ticks and mosquitoes is important for your child!
Today is beautiful, and I hope most of you have your children outside at some point! Children both love and NEED to be outdoors. Outside activity is an important part of a healthy child’s life, and it helps children get good and tired too! I know one of the biggest reasons I encouraged outdoor play was that it provided me with a good long nap from my children in the afternoon. A method to my parenting madness!
With spring and summer upon us, the pesky bugs will soon be too! Not only are these insects just plain annoying, they can carry dangerous diseases to your children. Most children have mild reactions to bug bites, but some children (are they just sweeter?) really seem to attract those insects and those bites result in large red welts that make them miserable. West Nile Virus, Lyme Disease, and Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever, and the recent outbreak of Zika Virus are diseases that could result from insect bites too. So, if we want our children outside and we don’t have a protective “bee suit” in the house…what are we to do?
The use of insect repellents are recommended by the American Academy of Pediatrics and the Center for Disease Control. Although most of us hate to put chemicals on our children, DEET used correctly is one of the best protectors for your child. The amount of DEET in insect repellents varies from less than 10% to more than 30%. Studies show us that the higher concentrations of DEET protect for longer periods of time, but not more effectively. So a repellant with 10% DEET will protect for about 2 hours, 24% about 5 hours, and at over 30% there is very little increase in protection. The AAP recommends using a concentration of DEET between 10 and 30 percent. Most of our children will not be outside in an area with biting insects more than 2 hours at a time…so 10% DEET should be enough the majority of the time.
How to use insect repellent safely:
- Always read the label.
- Do not use DEET on children under 2 months of age.
- Do not use a concentration of DEET greater than 30%, usually 10% will be adequate.
- Only apply the repellent to the outside of your child’s clothing and on exposed skin.
- Use a small amount just to cover the area, thicker layers are not more effective.
- Do not spray repellents on your child’s face. Put the repellent on your hands and rub on your child’s face being careful around eyes, and mouth.
- Do not put repellent on your child’s hands. Do not apply to open areas like cuts.
- Spray repellents in open areas, do not breathe them in.
- Wash your child with soap and water to remove the repellent when he comes inside. Wash your child’s clothes before he wears them again.
- Do not use sunscreen/insect repellent combinations. You will need to reapply the sunscreen and the repellent should not be reapplied.
- Cover your child’s exposed skin with long pants and sleeves if you know he will be in an area with a lot of biting insects. This will decrease the skin area that will need repellent.
- Try to avoid dusk, the “buggiest” time of day!
- Remember DEET is NOT effective on stinging insects like bees and wasps.
Repellents that do NOT work
- Wristbands with chemical repellents
- Dryer sheets pinned to your children (A big trend a few years ago! I once saw an entire preschool class of children on a playground all equipped with dryer sheets!)
- Garlic (would keep other people away! )
- Ultrasonic devices that give off sound waves
- Bug zappers (may actually increase insects in the area)
Other repellents:
- Permethrin is a chemical repellent. It is effective and should be applied to clothing only, or items like tents, not on skin. Use in concentrations of between 5 and 10 percent. This repellent will kill ticks on contact. Great for spraying on tents and sleeping bags.
- Picaridin is as effective as DEET and some studies show it may be less likely to cause skin irritation in children. It has been used in Europe for many years, more recently here in the U. S.
- 2% soy bean oil and lemon eucalyptus has been shown recently to be as effective as 10% DEET. Lemon Eucalyptus Oil is not approved for use in children under the age of 3.
- Cedar, and Citronella essential oils are less effective and give very short term protection.
So the bottom line is, insect repellents are a better alternative that the potential complications from a disease carrying insect. Be smart and use repellents safely. Protect your child with clothing and by avoiding the time of day/night and areas where insect bites would be more common. Check your child for ticks daily and remove any tick with a tweezers and clean with soap and water. Lastly, put this at the bottom of your worry list….outdoor fun is essential for children! Protect them with common sense and enjoy the outdoors…don’t let the bugs scare you off!
Take a breath, enjoy the joyful moments of each day, and remember you don’t have to be perfect to be the perfect parent.
Cindy
Reference: www.healthychildren.org
Loving Touch is Important at Every Age!
Recently I visited with our twenty something son. As he walked in, he gave me a big hug and I kissed him on the cheek. As I was preparing for my parenting groups this week I was thinking about that moment. The hug and kiss of my son, who is definitely a young man now, was as sweet ( albeit a bit more scruffy and I was on my tip toes) as the snuggle I would have with him as a baby. Loving touch with your child is at the center of a parent and child bond. The connection between child and parent through touch is undeniable. I am a firm believer in the importance of touch and our children….from birth, to toddler years, preschool, school age, and yes even in the awkward teens. Continuing the physical hugs and kisses are important for your child and you.
Snuggles and touches are natural for most parents with an infant. Infant massage has been proven to provide many benefits for babies. Routine loving massage can help an infant
- Gain weight
- Calm
- Improve sleep
- Improve their latch for nursing
- Increase bonding
- Improve neurological development
- Improve their immune system
- Decrease teething pain
- Decrease congestion
- Learn body awareness
- Learn that touch is a loving expression
- and the list goes on…..
Getting started…
- Turn off th TV, cell phone and other distractions. This is time to concentrate on your baby alone.
- Warm up the room and your hands.
- Lie your baby on his/her back a warm towel or blanket.
- Use a vegetable based oil. (if you could eat it, then it is OK)
- Make sure you are calm.
- Make eye contact with your baby.
- Ask permission to touch, show your baby your hands.
- Lay your hands on your child lovingly. Often babies prefer touch on legs and feet first.
- Use light gentle touch, but not a tickle touch.
- Move from the center out…upper thigh to foot.
- Give equal treatment to both sides of the body!
- Movements should be slow and relaxed…like a lullaby. Sing while you do it! 🙂
- Start with a short session and watch your baby’s cues. If your baby wiggles away, fusses, looks away, then stop and try again at another time. As your baby becomes accustomed to massage, the length of time may increase. You don’t have to massage your baby’s whole body, just the parts that he or she enjoys!
Technique:
- Make eye contact with your baby and sing or talk to him–or play music.
- Breath, relax yourself
- Hold one foot in one hand and use the other hand to milk the leg. Squeeze thigh to foot, this is the “milking” motion.
- Roll leg between hands from thigh to ankle, like you are rolling dough or clay.
- Finish with long strokes from thigh to foot.
- Press the sole of your baby’s foot with your thumbs. Massage each toe. Play “this little piggy”.
- Repeat on other leg.
- Follow same process of milking, rolling, and stroking on the arms.
- Press the palm of your baby’s hand with your thumbs. Massage each finger.
- Slide your palm and fingers in a circular motion from the ribs downward. Then move clockwise around the tummy. Smooth the chest like pages in a book.
- If you have used massage for a while, some babies will allow you to massage their face. Massage face with light fingertips stroking across the forehead from the center to the sides. Massage tears ducts. Move down nose and on the sides. Use a circular motion from the temples down the side of the face.
- Massage shoulders and use long strokes down the back and on the bottom.
Remember…the intent of your touch is much more important than your technique! Just relax and enjoy!!
I Love You massage for colic or gas
- Trace the letter “I” on the right side of your baby’s tummy. Start just under his ribs and move down to your baby’s hip.
- Now stroke from left to right on your baby’s lower tummy making the long part of the letter “L”.
- Make a short downward stroke on the right side of your baby’s tummy making the short to complete the “L”.
- Complete the “I love you” by making an upside down “U” starting at your baby’s left hip and circling along the top of the tummy and down the right side.
- Continue these strokes to help calm a gassy tummy.
Massage can continue to some degree all the way through childhood. There were nights that I sat on the side of my children’s bed and massaged an aching tummy or head, and I have massaged sore muscles after a big game or meet. The continued touch with your child will keep you connected in many ways. There were certainly times when I hugged my children in those teen years and I got an eye roll too…but because of those continued “loving touches” through the years, the hugs in the stands of a high school football games, college track meets, quick weekend visits at school, and now when our “adult” (they will always be my kids) kids visit those hugs and kisses continue. Don’t underestimate the value of teaching your child the benefits of touch as an expression of love.
Check out your local hospital for classes on infant massage.
Take a breath, enjoy the joyful moments of each day, and remember you don’t have to be perfect to be the perfect parent.
Cindy
Get a little dirty…it is time to garden!
It is that time of year when I am doing a bit of grumbling about all the yard work, but also looking forward to getting my perennial beds cleared and blooming, my cut flower bed planted and preparing my vegetable garden for this summer’s crop of tomatoes, beans and of course sunflowers. I definitely am not a Master Gardener, but I have a special place in my heart for gardening and getting a little dirty. I have very fond memories of my Grandfather and his vegetable garden and beautiful roses. I would walk through his garden when I visited and help water and weed. With his garden gloves on and a hat perched on the back of his head, he was a true farmer at heart. He showed me how to eat a fresh tomato right off the vine and how to pinch a peach so the fuzzy skin would pull back and I could eat the sweet inside. I guess my love of gardening started by watching my Grandpa and then my own father take pride in their gardens. My dad still grows amazing tomatoes!
So many of our children have no idea where their fruits and vegetables come from or even what a fresh tomato really tastes like! With the new fruit and vegetable pouches, I sometimes wonder if many toddlers even know what a real vegetable LOOKS like! There are many life lessons that can be taught by simply taking a small plot of land or a small container and growing something with your child! There is no better way to instill a love of nature and to encourage healthy eating than growing a fresh fruit or vegetable as a family.
Children are natural gardeners—they are curious, they learn by doing, and they love to play in the dirt. Gardening is good for families, it gives your family time together outdoors, and time to let your child get dirty for a purpose! Children love to look for worms, love to plant seeds, water, watch plants grow, pick their crop and even try the harvest they have grown. What a great way to get them to try green beans! This helps cultivate their curiosity about nature, the earth and maybe even foster a love of gardening. Children will also love the special time they spend with you. Gardening teaches patience, responsibility and is like having a science lesson without even knowing it! You might even find yourself feeling a little proud and definitely loving the taste of a fresh homegrown tomato!
Tips on gardening with children.
1. Plan a small container garden or a small plot of land that is theirs. Talk about a plant’s need for sun, water, and food. Put the garden in an area that can be seen easily by your child. A plastic storage bin or any other container with holes poked in the bottom for drainage works great for this! Keep it near your back door so your child can see it often. Tomato plants or lettuce can actually be grown in just a bag of topsoil that you open and plant the seedlings in the bag. What could be easier?
2. A “yardstick” garden is plenty big for a child. Take a yardstick and measure a garden that is 3 foot square. A young child can reach all sides of the garden and will take pride in that little plot he can call his own.
3. Gardens do not have to be square. A “pizza” garden can be planted with wedge sections. Put different plants in each wedge. Plant ingredients that would taste good on a pizza! This is a great way to grow an herb garden!
4. Use a little imagination, children will love a sunflower house! Plant large sunflowers in a semi-circle. As they grow, tie the top of them together and your child can have a “secret” hiding place in your garden!
5. Watering and weeding is not as much fun as planning and planting ( I don’t like it as well!). For older preschoolers or school age children, put a gardening calendar in the kitchen or in your child’s bedroom with tasks to be completed. Don’t force it, remember you are instilling a love of gardening! Keeping your child’s portion of the garden small should keep the time necessary to only a few minutes a day. Using a container garden really keeps it easy!
6. Child sized garden tools make it easier and more fun. I have seen tools in the dollar area of Target! I know if I had young children, the gardening boots and clogs I have seen would be a must, so cute!! A gardening hat is a necessity, protect yourself and your child from the sun. What is cuter than your toddler gardener in a wide brimmed hat! Don’t forget the sunscreen too.
7. Let your child dig the holes for the seeds or the plants that have been bought. Digging holes is a natural for kids!
8. Encourage your child by planting seeds that mature quickly and are easy for them to handle. Radishes and lettuce are great. They germinate in a couple of days. Bean seeds and sunflower seeds are easy to handle.
9. Be sure to put the seed packet on a stake in the garden to remind them what they have planted and what it will look like. Some discount stores even have little garden stakes that your preschooler could decorate!
10. Children love the unusual. Many vegetables are available in different colors or sizes. Speckled beans, red carrots, miniature cucumbers and pumpkins, purple beans, and grape tomatoes are just a few examples. Try something really unusual by taking a cucumber or pumpkin bloom and placing it inside of a 2 liter bottle. Shade the bottle with leaves from the plant and let the pumpkin or cucumber grow inside the bottle. It is a great “show and tell” item when there is a large cucumber or pumpkin inside the bottle!
11. Add a bird bath to attract birds. Children can be responsible for refilling the bird bath!
12. Think about planting bright colored flowers that are known to attract butterflies and hummingbirds. Exploring the garden for butterflies, bugs, worms and caterpillars is great fun!
13. You might want to set a part of the garden for digging all summer. Put your sandbox in the middle of your garden to make your garden kid friendly. There were always a few cars or trucks around in the dirt of our garden.
14. You can have your child make garden stones or markers for the garden. Find larger stones and let them paint designs on the stones. These make great Mother’s Day or Father’s Day gifts for Grandparents!
15. Have your child help build a scarecrow for the garden. This can be a fun activity for late summer especially.
16. Measure the sunflowers that you plant once a week and chart their growth. If you have older children, planting sunflower seeds that mature in about 90 days is a great way to measure the length of summer. When they bloom, it is time to go back to school!
17. Try to grow organically as possible. Mulch is a great way to cut down on weeds which will prevent the need for weed killer and mulch will keep the soil moister during dry spells. Mix compost and/or topsoil into your garden each year to provide nutrients needed for plant growth. By growing without chemicals, your child will be able to eat a tomato right from the vine…there is nothing better!
18. Let your child harvest their own vegetables. There is nothing better than picking your salad fixings for the day! This will encourage your child to eat their vegetables I promise! Your child will love to eat “garden to table”!
19. Keep it fun…start small! Most new gardeners try something too big and then quickly become discouraged with the experience. Just grow one tomato plant and supplement your “garden” with a trip to the Farmer’s Market! We always had enough green beans from our small garden for at least one dinner. The kids would always ask, “Our these our beans?” With a little white lie, our kids ate green beans the whole summer!
There are some great children’s books that can be fun to read with your child as you start your garden:
Growing Vegetable Soup by Lois Ehlert
Pumpkin Pumpkin by Jeanne Titherington
Tops and Bottoms by Janet Stevens
This is the Sunflower by Lola M. Schaefer
Whose Garden Is It? by Mary Ann Hoberman
The Carrot Seed by Ruth Krauss
The Tiny Seed by Eric Carle
Oliver’s Vegetables by Vivian French
Stone Soup by Marcia Brown
Alison’s Zinnia by Anita Lobel
Get a little dirty….plant a few seeds and you will see your child’s excitement grow as the plants grow, and who knows you might just raise a kid that likes his vegetables!
Take a breath, enjoy the joyful moments of each day, and remember you don’t have to be perfect to be the perfect parent.
Cindy
