What is in your discipline “bag of tricks”?
What is in your discipline bag of tricks?
It was 7:30 am and my day was in full swing. I was chasing a two year old trying to get him dressed again. It is barely an hour into the day and I felt like I was on the verge of yelling and a time out before breakfast just didn’t seem right. Sound familiar? I am a big believer that spanking and yelling are not the best choices for discipline. I have taught 1,2,3 Magic for years….but sometimes you just need something else. Discipline is a parenting must. Children need guidelines, boundaries, expectations, consistency and consequences. I think parents really need a “bag of discipline tricks” to parent effectively. These “tricks” can help prevent physical punishment, increase cooperation, take away some of the No’s in your child’s life and quite honestly maybe bring a smile to you both. Here are a few “tricks” to keep in your repertoire….share a few of your own too!
This is my favorite discipline technique which is very effective when used consistently and according to the rules. Do not use it for everything….save it for behaviors you want to eliminate quickly.
- Remove your child from the conflict and give attention.
I know I always say that we should never give attention to a negative behavior, but if a child is acting inappropriately sometimes simply removing him from the conflict gently and bringing him to another activity of cooperation is effective. Example…You see your child grabbing toys from others and becoming aggressive, you walk up and take him by the hand and say “Come with me I need help getting snack ready.” You have just removed him from the behavior that is inappropriate, not used the word NO, and given positive attention for the cooperative activity. Usually works!
- Change your requests from “go” to “come”.
If you are trying to get your child to do something, approach from a cooperative view-point. Instead of “Go put your coat on.” Try “Come with me to put your coat on.” The tone totally changes and cooperation increases!
- Turn your no to a yes.
Telling a child “no” to a request will often result in a meltdown. When possible, change that “no” to “yes”. Example “I know you want to go outside, we can’t now but yes, we will after lunch.” “Let’s play with the water here in the sink, not the water in the dog’s bowl.” “Leave your shoes on now, we will take them off at home!”
- Try using the “not for” phrase.
“Hands are not for hitting they are for patting and loving.” “Trucks are not for throwing, they are for pushing.” “Food is not for throwing it is for eating.” Soon you may hear your child repeating those phrases to keep himself from the activity!
Nothing like a little humor to diffuse a situation! Try putting that jacket on your child’s leg, or hopping to bed, or singing a silly song. Once you both are smiling cooperation increases.
- Think Like A Toddler.
Why did your child just dump the dog food out again….or throw the ball in the house again…or dump a box of cereal out and stomp on them…??? Yelling “STOP WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” just doesn’t work. A young child doesn’t think about why he is dumping dog food or stomping on cereal, he is thinking this is so fun! When you think like a child you will have more patience and will react a little calmer. Tell your child that the activity looks like so much fun…redirect to something appropriate and have them help you clean up! (as much as a 2 or 3 year old can!)
- Behavior charts and rewards.
Time In is as important as Time Out. What does that mean? Reward your child throughout the day with positive words, stickers, hugs, stories or other positive reinforcements for behavior you like. That positive attention increases that behavior and then allows your child to really FEEL the removal of that positive attention if you give a Time Out for unacceptable behavior. Sticker charts work well at age 2 and older. Younger toddlers…and even older children will often just love a sticker to wear or a stamp on their hand for positive behaviors. If you have ever been to a Gymboree class you know how important that stamp on the hand is! Get creative! I heard of a Mom sending her child to bed with a brown bag every night. If he did not get up, there was something in it in the morning! Ignore unacceptable or annoying behavior when you can and reinforce the positive. Rewards should not always be bought…rewards of time make the most impact.
- Use consistent words to help your child.
“No touch”, “Kind words”, “Good choices”, “Gentle touch”, “Walking feet”….think of a few of your own. The more often your child hears the same consistent phrase, the more likely he will comply with the behavior. A reminder that results in cooperation is better than a punishment after the fact.
- Substitute appropriate behavior.
“Let’s climb on the couch cushions not on the table.” “Let’s throw the ball, not the truck.” “Let’s sing a loud song instead of scream.” Simply saying “no” without an alternative will often result in a meltdown or defiance. Give an alternative to the behavior you don’t want, and make it a similar activity to gain cooperation. Often your child is working on a skill like climbing or throwing!
- Try playing a game to get your child to cooperate.
“Let’s play a pretend game when you get dressed. It is all pretend, but if you do what I say you will get to wear a sticker! Are you ready? OK, Connor let’s pretend….Put your shirt on please.” If he does it you respond, “Wow I can’t believe you could put your shirt on! Are you sure you haven’t played this game before?” Give a big hug and a sticker. Because it is a “game” your little one will be excited about trying it out. Soon it will become merely cooperation.
- Intervene early.
You know your child and their behavior. If you see the unacceptable behavior beginning….redirect early. Don’t let the hit, bite, or shove actually happen. As your child becomes aggressive step in and redirect.
- Be assertive but also a cheer leader.
Don’t be wishy-washy and ask “Would you want to pick up the toys?” or “I am thinking it might be time to pick up and leave.” Be assertive and tell your child what is going to happen so there is no question on who is in charge, then be cheerful and firm on what will happen next. Cheer your child on as they begin to cooperate. Giving the impression that there is a choice or a chance to negotiate when there isn’t always results in conflict.
- Redirect physically.
A child may need to be physically moved from an area to redirect. Sometimes your words will not work. A child who is becoming aggressive should be carried or walked to another activity quickly.
- Praise ten times more than you correct.
Yep, you heard me correctly. Praise effort and not outcome and praise a lot. That is what a Time In is. Time Out removes your attention….the rest of the day should be a Time IN. Time Outs will not work if your child doesn’t feel the difference of the removal of your attention.
- Calm Down Bottles.
Another tool to help your child learn to “flip the switch” to calm down on his own. That is the skill we want all of our children to develop!
- Have an older child determine his or her punishment.
An older preschooler, school age children and teens are very good at deciding what the consequence for their unacceptable behavior should be. Often they are tougher on themselves than you would be. The consequences they decide usually make sense and are remembered.
- Start over….over and over again.
Rewind. This was one of my favorite tools. If your child is just starting off on the wrong foot, or you see a behavior that is inappropriate and can be fixed immediately; simply turn your child in a circle and make a “rewind” sound and let your child try again. I love the second chance to make things right. Sometimes my husband will actually do this to me in the morning if I am grumpy before that morning coffee kicks in!
So, those are a few tricks to put in that discipline bag. Be sure you are taking care of yourself, because we all know that we aren’t able to tap into our patience or discipline approach if we are on empty ourselves. You and your child deserve parents who “fill themselves up” so they are at their best. As time goes on, you will find the discipline approaches that work the best for each of your children. No child’s day should be filled with more “no” than “yes”, more boundary setting than free play, or more tears than smiles. We all will have bad days, but the good moments should outnumber the difficult. Remember, the purpose of boundary setting and discipline is to teach….not to upset your child.
Take a breath, enjoy the joyful moments of each day, and remember you don’t have to be perfect to be the perfect parent.
Cindy
Baby talk! Encouraging language development in your child.
Talking to your child and using lots of animated facial expressions are important for your child’s language development!
Believe me, hearing the sweet voice of your child say “Ma Ma” or “Da Da” is one of those moments you always remember. Later, I can remember thinking….”Maybe I should change my name, I am tired of hearing “MO-OMMMM!” Suddenly it was a two syllable word that rocked the house! Now, I love hearing “Mom” when I get that phone call or one of the kids bursts through the door for a visit! The fact is, language development in your child is exciting and fun, and early development is important. Studies show us that the number of words your child hears is proportionate to the size of his or her vocabulary that is developed. This is through direct spoken words to your child, through conversation or reading, not words heard from the TV or radio, or conversations around your child. Some experts tell us that a parent should be saying 30,000 words per day to their child. Wow, that is a lot of talking! Now I tell you this as a fun fact, not to have you tally mark each word you say to your child! I don’t want to add another task to your day, or worry to your list! The 30,000 per day number does send the message home though that talk is important, and as parents we have to work at talking and reading to our children! In this age of TV, computers, I-Pods and I-Pads, and smart phones; sometimes the spoken word and art of conversation is lost. As a parent we need to bring that art of truly talking with our children back!
What can we do to foster language development in our children?
- Talk to your child! When your infant is looking at you or an object…talk to your child! When your child coos, coo back…this is the start of the art of conversing. Describe what your baby is seeing. Talk about what you are doing during the day. Read stories and talk about the pictures in board books. Studies show that children that hear 30,000 words a day from birth to age 3 have better language skills at 3 but also have an academic edge still in 3rd grade…no matter the socioeconomic level! TALK A LOT TO YOUR CHILD! It can be the great equalizer for academic success!
- Repeat. This helps a child link sound and the meaning of words. By the time a child is about 1, they have most of the sounds that put words together, they just don’t have the words! Repetition helps a child put those sounds into words.
- Always respond to any sound your child makes. When your baby coos, talk back. When your child squeals with a favorite toy, talk about how much your child likes that special toy. When your child babbles and reaches for an item, say what the item is before you give it to your child.
- Play taking turn games. This teaches conversation! Blow on your baby’s tummy and wait for his response. Repeat it again. Play peek-a-boo and other games that encourage taking turns in conversation…cause and effect.
- Eye contact. Your child needs to see your face when you are talking. This helps your child see how the words are formed by watching your mouth. Your smiles, facial expressions and encouragement gives your child positive reinforcement for their attempts in communicating.
- “Motherese” is good! The high-pitched sing-song voice most moms use to talk to their baby is good! Babies like the pitch of this type of talk and the slow pace helps them understand better. Teach Dad how to do it! It tends to come more naturally to Moms.
- Give your child the opportunity to talk. Don’t anticipate every need, allow your child to point and make attempts to ask for what he or she wants.
- Narrate your day. Talk to your baby as you change a diaper, give a bath, cook a meal. Describe what you are doing and what your child is doing.
- Expand your child’s communication. When your child says “dog”, you can say “Yes that is a dog! It is a brown dog!”
- Read. Reading is a great opportunity to engage with your child. Your child will learn more words and will develop a love of books. Hearing the same book over and over helps to make language connections in your child’s brain.
- Go on field trips! Take your child to the grocery, the post office, on hikes…talk about what you see! Watch your child, and see what he or she is interested in or excited about. Talk about that rock or stick he or she picks up!
- Use music. Music encourages your child to pronounce words and practice putting sentences together. Songs also help children remember things…I still can’t put things in alphabetical order without singing my A B C’s! 🙂
- Play language games. Point and name games like “Where is your nose?” “This is Mommy’s toes, where are your toes?” Helps your child become
- aware of himself and make language connections, plus it is fun!
- Don’t worry but refer early. There is a wide range of normal with speech development. Don’t obsess and worry over your child’s development of speech. Every day work on providing the opportunities to allow your child’s speech to develop. If you have questions or concerns, the earlier you refer for evaluation, the easier most speech delays can be handled.
Language Milestones from The American Speech – Language – Hearing Association
0-3 Months
- Baby will startle to sound
- Quiets or smiles when you speak to him
- Recognizes your voice
- Smiles at you
- Coos
4-6 Months
- Babbles and uses sounds with p, b and m
- Laughs
- Makes excitement sounds and unhappy sounds
- Makes gurgling sounds
- Likes music
7 Months – 1 Year
- Likes “peek-a-boo”, “patty cake”, “soo big!”
- Uses “speech” not crying to sometimes get your attention.
- Uses gestures like pointing, putting arms up, waving.
- Recognizes words that you say like “cup” and other common words.
- Starts to follow 1 step directions.
- About the first birthday will have about 2 or 3 words like ball, ma ma, da da, dog.
1 Year – 2 Year
- Points to pictures in a book when named.
- Knows animal sounds.
- Points to a few body parts when asked.
- Can say a two word question or sentence by age 2.
- Vocabulary expanding every month.
2 Year – 3 Year
- Follows two step directions.
- Has a word for almost everything.
- Is understood most of the time by those with him often.
- Speaks in 2 to 3 word sentences.
- Starting to understand concepts like big and little, up and down, in and on.
When do you refer?
- A baby who doesn’t respond to sound or who doesn’t make vocal sound.
- A child who does not point, or wave “bye bye” at 12 months.
- A child at 18 months that uses gestures over words to communicate.
- A child at age 2 or older that only imitates speech and does not speak spontaneously.
- A child at age 2 who can’t follow simple 1 or 2 step directions.
- A child at age 2 who parents are unable to understand at least 1/2 of the child’s speech, or a 3 year old child that a parent cannot understand 3/4 of the child’s speech.
- A 4 year old child who is not understandable by others.
- Don’t sit and worry….refer early. Most speech referrals are made between 15 months and 2 years of age.
Remember, infants, toddlers, and preschoolers are like little language sponges. Talk, talk, talk, and turn that TV off! Your child will soon be yelling “MO-OMMMMM!”….be careful what you wish for!! 🙂
Take a breath, enjoy the joyful moments of each day, and remember you don’t have to be perfect to be the perfect parent.
Cindy
Keep your precious cargo safe by using a car seat correctly!
Parents must be sure that their child’s car seat is being used correctly…we all have precious cargo!
I read an article this week that really shocked me. There was a study where 22,000 children in car seats were randomly checked at gas stations. Only 3 percent of children between the age of 1 and 3 were in a properly installed backward facing car seat. Only 10 percent of 8 to 10-year-old children were in a properly installed booster seat or car seat! That is such a scary thought since car accidents are the leading cause of death for children. But to be honest, car seats are not easy to install correctly! The manuals are long and sometimes confusing, there are different recommendations by auto manufacturers, and I know the installation of a car seat has caused many an argument between Moms and Dads!
The newest recommendations from the American Academy of Pediatrics state that until at least age 2 your child should sit in a rear facing seat and preferably a child should be rear facing until they reach the highest weight or height allowed by the car seat manufacturer (that means your child most likely will be older than age 2 and still rear facing). Children over the age of 2 can sit in a front facing seat with a 5 point harness until their weight and height exceeds the car seat’s recommendation for the seat. A booster seat should be used until a child is 57 inches tall, which is the average height of an 11-year-old (wow…bet you didn’t realize that!) No child should sit in the front seat until age 13!
Types of car seats:
- Rear facing only
This seat is used for infants up to 22 to 40 pounds depending on the seat. They are small and have handles to carry the seat. Some have a base that can be left in the car.
- Convertible seats that can be used for rear facing
These seats can be used rear facing and then “converted” to forward facing when your child is older. They are bigger than infant seats and do not have handles or a separate base. They often have a higher rear facing weight and height limits which is great for larger babies. They should have a 5 point harness.
- 3 in 1 seats
These seats can be used rear facing, forward facing and as a booster. They may be used longer by your child. (But remember every seat has an expiration date…about 5-6 years)
Installation for rear facing
- The shoulder straps should be at or below your baby’s shoulders.
- The straps should be snug (you shouldn’t be able to pinch any slack) and the chest clip should be at the nipple line.
- The seat should be tight in the car. You should not be able to move it more than an inch side to side or front to back.
- Never put a rear facing seat in the front seat of a car!
- Make sure the seat is at the correct angle so your baby’s head does not flop down. Many seats have an angle indicator or adjusters that can help with this.
- I recommend having a certified car seat technician help install the car seat. This will help with the many questions parents have and may even prevent Mom and Dad from having an argument! 🙂 Check out this website for information on locations of car seat technicians in your area. http://www.nhtsa.gov/cps/cpsfitting/index.cfm
Common questions about rear facing infants
- What if my child’s feet touch the back of the car seat?
No problem…your baby will cross his legs and find a comfortable position. There are few reports of leg injuries from a crash with a baby in this position, but a leg injury is a much less severe injury than a head and neck injury which you are helping to prevent by keeping your child backward facing until age 2 or older.
- What do I do if my baby is slouching in the seat?
You may put blanket rolls on both sides of your baby and a small cloth diaper or blanket between the crotch strap and your baby for a while until your baby grows a bit. Do not ever put padding or blankets or anything behind your baby or add any car seat insert unless it came with the seat or was made by the manufacturer of the car seat. Any additions to a seat may make it work a bit differently and provide less protection for your baby!
- What do I do about winter coats?
Remember that thick winter coats, blankets, or clothing should not be put under the car seat harness or straps. Dress your baby in thin layers and then tuck a blanket around your baby over the harness straps if necessary.
Installation of forward facing seats
- Always know the restrictions of your model. Know the maximum weight and height limits for your seat!
- The shoulder straps should be in the slots that are at or above your child’s shoulders. (This is the opposite from the rear facing position)
- You may need to adjust the angle of the seat when you turn it to forward facing, check your car seat manual.
- Choose to use the LATCH system if your car or van has it OR the seat belt. Do not use both. Check your car or van manual and your car seat manual for proper installation with the LATCH or seat belt. Latch does have a weight limit of 65 lbs total, meaning the weight of the car seat plus your child. If the car seat and your child together weighs over 65 lbs, then you must use the seat belt to secure the seat.
- Use a tether strap. This is a strap that attaches to the top of the seat. It is often on the seat back of the car or van. This gives extra protection by not allowing the car seat and your child’s head to move too far forward in a crash. All vehicles manufactured from 2000 on have them. Check the weight limit for the use of the tether anchor.
Common questions about forward facing car seats.
- Where is the safest spot for the car seat in the back?
The safest spot is where the seat can be installed properly, it is convenient for you to use safely every time. Some LATCH systems are only on the sides of the back seat. Some car seats only fit well in the middle. It depends on your car seat, your vehicle and the number of children you have on where is best for the car seat!
- Should we use a car seat on a plane?
Most infant and convertible car seats can be used on planes. The seat must have a FAA (Federal Aviation Administration) approval label on it. The FAA and the AAP recommend that children use car seats when flying until age 4. This keeps your child safer during takeoff and landing and in turbulence.
So much information…but so important to keep your child safe. We will continue the conversation over the next few days with more tips. What car seat do you use? Why do you like it?
Take a breath, enjoy the joyful moments of each day, and remember you don’t have to be perfect to be the perfect parent.
Cindy
The potty dance, M&Ms and other potty rewards!
The reward of choice at our house during potty training… one M&M for peeing, two M&Ms for pooping and Mommy always got some too!
We have talked about when to start potty training, how to “ditch the diapers” and get moving on the process, what to do with some “potty pitfalls” and a technique to help a resistant trainer…now, for the question your toddler will think is the most important…“What do I get when I potty?”
As a parent, we quickly learn that children respond to reinforcement. We can encourage behavior that we like with reinforcement, and unintentionally, we can encourage behavior we don’t like with reinforcement! Rewards or reinforcement come in many different forms and different ones work for different kids!
The first thing to remember about children is that your attention is the biggest reward or incentive to a child. That attention is so important in your child’s development. This is the important part, attention is attention to a child. Negative attention, lots of yelling, words, emotion and time spent on a negative behavior will probably increase that behavior! So lots of yelling, words, emotion and time spent on potty accidents or pottying resistance will increase that type of behavior. Ignoring or giving very little attention to potty accidents or pottying resistance will decrease that type of behavior.
So let’s talk about some incentives that have worked for toddlers that are working on that huge task of potty training.
- Positive attention. Hugs, words of praise, clapping, high fives, song singing, and yes the potty dance. A little dance celebrating that poop or pee in the potty!
- Stickers. Many children after the age of 2 respond well to stickers and a sticker chart. Let your child pick out stickers at the store and place that sticker on a chart when your child sits on the potty at first, and then later as they go poop or pee. Some children prefer to “wear” their sticker, or even get to wear one and place one on the chart too.
- Treats. M & Ms were the treat of choice in my house with potty training. As I have said, I used them to reward myself too for the success! Again, you would start out rewarding for sitting on the potty and then eventually for going potty. Other suggestions would be raisins, marshmallows, or any other treat that your child would not receive routinely. Sometimes a jar of these treats placed in plain view is a motivator for children.
- Dye the toilet water. Put a few drops of red or blue food coloring in the water, when your child pees…wow it changes to orange or green! A motivator for learning to pee on the toilet! Also helpful when little boys are learning to aim a bit better. A handful of Cheerios as targets also work.
- Stamps. Some children are more excited about stamps than stickers. Put a stamp on your child’s hand, cheek, tummy, let them decide! The problem may be convincing them to wash them off in the tub!
- Coloring book. Pick out a coloring book together. Every time your child has success, let him color a page.
- Marbles or coins. Every time your child is successful, let him place a marble or coin in a jar. After a certain number of marbles or coins, he gets a prize. This works well for a child that has been progressing in potty training and is trying to go several days without accidents. Not a good choice for the very start when children need an immediate reinforcement every time there is a success.
I know there are other incentives or reinforcements that have worked. The point is, your child has to think the reward has value to him and it must be a reward and not a bribe. A bribe is given before the potty success…a reward is given after a potty success. Always reward, don’t bribe. Rewards that are temporary also seem to be more effective too. The sticker will be taken off, the stamp washes off, the candy is eaten…..this gives incentive to get another!
All of us respond well to positive reinforcement. All of us like to be rewarded. Find one that works for your child and your potty training experience will be a little easier. It might be nice to find one for yourself too….wish they would have had peanut butter M & Ms when I was potty training my kids!
Share a potty training incentive that worked for you and your child!! We all are in this together. 🙂
Take a breath, enjoy the joyful moments of each day, and remember you don’t have to be perfect to be the perfect parent.
Cindy
Tell the people you love, “You rock!”
Don’t just tell your kids they “rock”…tell them why!
A little “Throw back Thursday”…..a post that helps us to remember to tell those we love the most why we do! Happy Thursday!
I was getting ready to mail a card to my college aged kids the other day. I try to send a “snail mail” card every couple of weeks. I have a lot of contact with my college kids by texting and cell phones, but there is something about that written piece of mail in a mailbox that I think kids still love. The cards I send usually are “miss you” or “hang in there” or just “love you” with a little bit of news and maybe a few dollars just because. As I was writing a quick note on one of the cards I had purchased, I read it again. It was simply “you rock”. Nice thought…because my kids do rock…but the more I thought about it, I realized that I often tell them how proud I am, or that I love them, or that they are great but I don’t often tell them what specifically makes them so wonderful! I then wrote why my daughter “rocked”; the things that were special and unique about her that I loved. I received a text later thanking me for the card and saying it would be one she would “save forever.” (Not even a mention of the money!) 🙂
How often do we give our kids and other special people in our lives compliments, but have no specifics, just words? Studies show us that compliments that specifically tell our children what they are doing is right or what is special about them helps them build high self-esteem. It is nice to hear that you are a good kid, but better to hear why. I thought about myself, it is great when I hear “I love you” but better when someone tells me what about me they love.
So, I challenge all of us this next week to take a moment and write or say why those special people in our lives are so great. What makes you proud of them? Why is your child or spouse so special? What are some of your favorite qualities in your loved ones? Let’s look at our partners and kids this next week and truly tell them why “they rock!”
Take a breath, enjoy the joyful moments of each day, and remember you don’t have to be perfect to be the perfect parent.
Cindy
Packing tips for traveling with kids…having what you need but keeping it simple.
Vacation season is here! With kids, gone are the days when you can throw a few things in a suitcase and go! There is a bit more to pack with kids…it seems like you will need everything! Making a packing list will help. I often would start a packing list several weeks in advance and as I thought of things we would need, I would add it to the list. Packing can feel overwhelming when you are planning for kids. Just remember, you can usually always wash at your destination if necessary and unless you are going to the outback, there are stores! Don’t try to think of every scenario and try to pack for it! Once you have a list that works for you, save it on your computer for the future! Try and keep it simple!
Packing Tips:
- Plan for one outfit a day per person. Think about mixing and matching and bringing a couple extra tops.
- Think layers…be sure you always have something warm…weather is temperamental and restaurants are cool.
- Plan for at least 3 pairs of PJs per child. You will always have accidents and need at least one extra pair until you can wash.
- Pack total outfits in large freezer type zip lock bags. Top, bottom, undershirt, and socks all together. This makes it easy to find each outfit and helps keep things organized. You can grab a zip lock bag and throw it in your diaper bag when you are on the run and know you have everything you need for a quick change.
- Extra shoes.
- Sun hat, sun screen, sunglasses.
- Plan a diaper an hour for transit and about 5 to 6 diapers a day. Remember, there are Walmart Stores and Target Stores everywhere…don’t bring things that are easier bought at your destination. Think about having Amazon or Target ship your diapers to your destination when taking a long trip. www.jetsetbabies.com or www.babytravelite.com are another great way to ship baby gear ahead!
- Bring several receiving type blankets and a larger blanket for your baby to lie on and stretch.
- Diaper rash ointment, acetaminophen, thermometer, small containers of shampoo and lotion. You never want to be out looking for an open pharmacy at night!
- Keep a list with emergency numbers in your bag. Include your doctor’s phone number and local pharmacy number.
- Pack a night-light. It is nice to have a little light in a strange room!
- Baby Monitor.
- Child proofing kit. This would include twist ties to tie up cords, duct tape to tape over outlets, and antibacterial wipes to wipe down TV remotes and phones. Blue painters tape is a great way to tape things up, cover outlets etc. and kids LOVE to play with it too. Easy to remove from anything also!
- Straw cups, pacifiers, bottles, and enough baby food for transit and to get you started at your destination.
- If traveling by car and you will be spending a night on the road, pack a separate bag for the hotel. Only pack what you will need for the one night on your way to your destination. This is much easier than carrying all of the luggage in for a one night stay!
Pack a small backpack with essentials that are within easy reach in the car or plane:
- A change of clothing for you and your child.
- Extra zip lock bags. (Never can have too many!)
- A diaper an hour and wipes. (Never can have too many wipes! They are NOT for just diaper changes!)
- Pack an extra “portable” bag with a single diaper, diaper cream, and small package of wipes. You can take this small bag into the restroom without bringing the whole diaper bag or backpack.
- Fold up potty seat for a toddler. Post it notes to cover the electronic eye on self flushing toilets…keeps the toilet from flushing and scaring your toddler!
- Extra “lovey”…always have an extra!
- Two straw cups (one to be dirty one to be clean), snack cup, wipeable bib, portable snacks, small fork and spoon, any other necessary restaurant item.
- If you are formula feeding, bring powdered formula. Make up a couple of bottles with the powdered formula so only water needs to be added.
- Baby food for use that day.
- Zip lock with thermometer, travel sized acetaminophen, ibuprofen, band aids, Benadryl, nasal saline drops, and any other medications your child or you are taking.
- A mix of new and old toys…plan for an activity per hour at least. A sample “fun bag” will be posted later.
So, pack smart and start early. Make a list and check it twice, but remember, the only real essentials are items that cannot be bought at your destination…so relax, if you forget something, thank goodness for Target and Walmart….I know you can find either at your destination!
Take a breath, enjoy the joyful moments of each day, and remember you don’t have to be perfect to be the perfect parent.
Cindy
Cars and Planes….Entertaining Your Kids for Happy Travels!
So, you have your vacation booked, you are packed, and now you are thinking about how you will entertain your child in the car or on the plane!
Long trips are even longer when you have children who are fussy and bored! We traveled to the beach each year by car, and took the occasional flight when our children were young. I had quite a few tricks up my sleeve to keep everyone content (at least mostly content) on the way. Early on we learned that the trip to and from our destination had to become part of the “vacation”. In other words, we had to have that vacation mentality and enjoy that part of the trip too! You can have fun driving with a carload of kids I promise!
Traveling by car allows you to see some great areas that you may not experience if in a hurry. During our yearly trip to the beach we found small towns, festivals, touristy attractions, and great parks for picnics. We soon learned that getting out of the car and enjoying the trip made it much more fun for everyone. Lunch is much better in a park where everyone can run and play than sitting quietly in a restaurant! Leaving early in the morning and stopping early in the late afternoon allowed the kids to play, swim, and become familiar with the hotel we were sleeping in that night. We learned the hard way that pulling into a hotel after a long day of driving at bedtime only resulted in crying children and frustrated parents. An early stop always resulted in kids settling in for the night easier and an earlier start the next morning.
Entertaining kids on a flight or in the car sometimes takes some creativity. A mixture of new toys and old favorites usually works. Some toys were “special” vacation toys that were only used on long trips. We didn’t have the DVD players so common now, but our kids were very excited about the special travel toys we kept just for our long trips. You might think about using your DVD player for that purpose.
Here are a few ideas that may work for you. I found packing the toys in a bag and getting them out one at a time as needed worked well. Sometimes even wrapping the new ones made it so much fun to unwrap and see the new surprise toy! A trip to the dollar store or the Target Dollar Aisle is a great place to pick up some of those new items.
- Travel sized magnetic games.
- Travel sized Magna Doodle or Aqua Doodle.
- Sticker Books
- Activity Books
- Crayons and markers (remember to bring the crayons out of the car if it is warm weather…trust me they can melt and make a mess!)
- Reusable stickers or “clings” that can be put on car or plane windows.
- Wikki Stix or pipe cleaners
- Painter’s tape (makes great “roads” on tray tables, fun to tear and stick, easy to remove, great for childproofing in hotel rooms!)
- Finger puppets
- New books and favorite books
- Favorite music
- Movies
- Bubbles (fun to blow in the car!)
- Small cars, favorite dolls, stuffed animals
- Cookie sheet with magnets
Treat bags became a vacation tradition with our kids. We always packed a few snacks, some healthy and some special treats. To this day, I pack a “treat bag” even for my husband and me when we head out on a road trip! Slow down, stop, let your child out to run and then provide a quiet activity once back in the car seat or on the plane. Take a deep breath and enjoy having your family contained in one spot…something that, believe it or not, you will look forward to when your children are a bit older and busier. Talk, sing, snack, and maybe even nap on the way (not the driver of course!!) :)…Family vacations are simply time together, time together doing something different….so be sure that your vacation begins when you leave your house. The trip to and from your vacation CAN be fun too! What do you bring to make your travels more fun? Share your ideas!!!
Take a breath, enjoy the joyful moments of each day, and remember you don’t have to be perfect to be the perfect parent.
Cindy
Protecting your child from bug bites
Protection from ticks and mosquitoes is important for your child!
Today is beautiful, and I hope most of you have your children outside at some point! Children both love and NEED to be outdoors. Outside activity is an important part of a healthy child’s life, and it helps children get good and tired too! I know one of the biggest reasons I encouraged outdoor play was that it provided me with a good long nap from my children in the afternoon. A method to my parenting madness!
With spring and summer upon us, the pesky bugs will soon be too! Not only are these insects just plain annoying, they can carry dangerous diseases to your children. Most children have mild reactions to bug bites, but some children (are they just sweeter?) really seem to attract those insects and those bites result in large red welts that make them miserable. West Nile Virus, Lyme Disease, and Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever, and the recent outbreak of Zika Virus are diseases that could result from insect bites too. So, if we want our children outside and we don’t have a protective “bee suit” in the house…what are we to do?
The use of insect repellents are recommended by the American Academy of Pediatrics and the Center for Disease Control. Although most of us hate to put chemicals on our children, DEET used correctly is one of the best protectors for your child. The amount of DEET in insect repellents varies from less than 10% to more than 30%. Studies show us that the higher concentrations of DEET protect for longer periods of time, but not more effectively. So a repellant with 10% DEET will protect for about 2 hours, 24% about 5 hours, and at over 30% there is very little increase in protection. The AAP recommends using a concentration of DEET between 10 and 30 percent. Most of our children will not be outside in an area with biting insects more than 2 hours at a time…so 10% DEET should be enough the majority of the time.
How to use insect repellent safely:
- Always read the label.
- Do not use DEET on children under 2 months of age.
- Do not use a concentration of DEET greater than 30%, usually 10% will be adequate.
- Only apply the repellent to the outside of your child’s clothing and on exposed skin.
- Use a small amount just to cover the area, thicker layers are not more effective.
- Do not spray repellents on your child’s face. Put the repellent on your hands and rub on your child’s face being careful around eyes, and mouth.
- Do not put repellent on your child’s hands. Do not apply to open areas like cuts.
- Spray repellents in open areas, do not breathe them in.
- Wash your child with soap and water to remove the repellent when he comes inside. Wash your child’s clothes before he wears them again.
- Do not use sunscreen/insect repellent combinations. You will need to reapply the sunscreen and the repellent should not be reapplied.
- Cover your child’s exposed skin with long pants and sleeves if you know he will be in an area with a lot of biting insects. This will decrease the skin area that will need repellent.
- Try to avoid dusk, the “buggiest” time of day!
- Remember DEET is NOT effective on stinging insects like bees and wasps.
Repellents that do NOT work
- Wristbands with chemical repellents
- Dryer sheets pinned to your children (A big trend a few years ago! I once saw an entire preschool class of children on a playground all equipped with dryer sheets!)
- Garlic (would keep other people away! )
- Ultrasonic devices that give off sound waves
- Bug zappers (may actually increase insects in the area)
Other repellents:
- Permethrin is a chemical repellent. It is effective and should be applied to clothing only, or items like tents, not on skin. Use in concentrations of between 5 and 10 percent. This repellent will kill ticks on contact. Great for spraying on tents and sleeping bags.
- Picaridin is as effective as DEET and some studies show it may be less likely to cause skin irritation in children. It has been used in Europe for many years, more recently here in the U. S.
- 2% soy bean oil and lemon eucalyptus has been shown recently to be as effective as 10% DEET. Lemon Eucalyptus Oil is not approved for use in children under the age of 3.
- Cedar, and Citronella essential oils are less effective and give very short term protection.
So the bottom line is, insect repellents are a better alternative that the potential complications from a disease carrying insect. Be smart and use repellents safely. Protect your child with clothing and by avoiding the time of day/night and areas where insect bites would be more common. Check your child for ticks daily and remove any tick with a tweezers and clean with soap and water. Lastly, put this at the bottom of your worry list….outdoor fun is essential for children! Protect them with common sense and enjoy the outdoors…don’t let the bugs scare you off!
Take a breath, enjoy the joyful moments of each day, and remember you don’t have to be perfect to be the perfect parent.
Cindy
Get a little dirty…it is time to garden!
It is that time of year when I am doing a bit of grumbling about all the yard work, but also looking forward to getting my perennial beds cleared and blooming, my cut flower bed planted and preparing my vegetable garden for this summer’s crop of tomatoes, beans and of course sunflowers. I definitely am not a Master Gardener, but I have a special place in my heart for gardening and getting a little dirty. I have very fond memories of my Grandfather and his vegetable garden and beautiful roses. I would walk through his garden when I visited and help water and weed. With his garden gloves on and a hat perched on the back of his head, he was a true farmer at heart. He showed me how to eat a fresh tomato right off the vine and how to pinch a peach so the fuzzy skin would pull back and I could eat the sweet inside. I guess my love of gardening started by watching my Grandpa and then my own father take pride in their gardens.
So many of our children have no idea where their fruits and vegetables come from or even what a fresh tomato really tastes like! With the new fruit and vegetable pouches, I sometimes wonder if many toddlers even know what a real vegetable LOOKS like! There are many life lessons that can be taught by simply taking a small plot of land or a small container and growing something with your child! There is no better way to instill a love of nature and to encourage healthy eating than growing a fresh fruit or vegetable as a family.
Children are natural gardeners—they are curious, they learn by doing, and they love to play in the dirt. Gardening is good for families, it gives your family time together outdoors, and time to let your child get dirty for a purpose! Children love to look for worms, love to plant seeds, water, watch plants grow, pick their crop and even try the harvest they have grown. What a great way to get them to try green beans! This helps cultivate their curiosity about nature, the earth and maybe even foster a love of gardening. Children will also love the special time they spend with you. Gardening teaches patience, responsibility and is like having a science lesson without even knowing it! You might even find yourself feeling a little proud and definitely loving the taste of a fresh homegrown tomato!
Tips on gardening with children.
1. Plan a small container garden or a small plot of land that is theirs. Talk about a plant’s need for sun, water, and food. Put the garden in an area that can be seen easily by your child. A plastic storage bin or any other container with holes poked in the bottom for drainage works great for this! Keep it near your back door so your child can see it often. Tomato plants or lettuce can actually be grown in just a bag of topsoil that you open and plant the seedlings in the bag. What could be easier?
2. A “yardstick” garden is plenty big for a child. Take a yardstick and measure a garden that is 3 foot square. A young child can reach all sides of the garden and will take pride in that little plot he can call his own.
3. Gardens do not have to be square. A “pizza” garden can be planted with wedge sections. Put different plants in each wedge. Plant ingredients that would taste good on a pizza! This is a great way to grow an herb garden!
4. Use a little imagination, children will love a sunflower house! Plant large sunflowers in a semi-circle. As they grow, tie the top of them together and your child can have a “secret” hiding place in your garden!
5. Watering and weeding is not as much fun as planning and planting ( I don’t like it as well!). For older preschoolers or school age children, put a gardening calendar in the kitchen or in your child’s bedroom with tasks to be completed. Don’t force it, remember you are instilling a love of gardening! Keeping your child’s portion of the garden small should keep the time necessary to only a few minutes a day. Using a container garden really keeps it easy!
6. Child sized garden tools make it easier and more fun. I have seen tools in the dollar area of Target! I know if I had young children, the gardening boots and clogs I have seen would be a must, so cute!! A gardening hat is a necessity, protect yourself and your child from the sun. What is cuter than your toddler gardener in a wide brimmed hat! Don’t forget the sunscreen too.
7. Let your child dig the holes for the seeds or the plants that have been bought. Digging holes is a natural for kids!
8. Encourage your child by planting seeds that mature quickly and are easy for them to handle. Radishes and lettuce are great. They germinate in a couple of days. Bean seeds and sunflower seeds are easy to handle.
9. Be sure to put the seed packet on a stake in the garden to remind them what they have planted and what it will look like. Some discount stores even have little garden stakes that your preschooler could decorate!
10. Children love the unusual. Many vegetables are available in different colors or sizes. Speckled beans, red carrots, miniature cucumbers and pumpkins, purple beans, and grape tomatoes are just a few examples. Try something really unusual by taking a cucumber or pumpkin bloom and placing it inside of a 2 liter bottle. Shade the bottle with leaves from the plant and let the pumpkin or cucumber grow inside the bottle. It is a great “show and tell” item when there is a large cucumber or pumpkin inside the bottle!
11. Add a bird bath to attract birds. Children can be responsible for refilling the bird bath!
12. Think about planting bright colored flowers that are known to attract butterflies and hummingbirds. Exploring the garden for butterflies, bugs, worms and caterpillars is great fun!
13. You might want to set a part of the garden for digging all summer. Put your sandbox in the middle of your garden to make your garden kid friendly. There were always a few cars or trucks around in the dirt of our garden.
14. You can have your child make garden stones or markers for the garden. Find larger stones and let them paint designs on the stones. These make great Mother’s Day or Father’s Day gifts for Grandparents!
15. Have your child help build a scarecrow for the garden. This can be a fun activity for late summer especially.
16. Measure the sunflowers that you plant once a week and chart their growth. If you have older children, planting sunflower seeds that mature in about 90 days is a great way to measure the length of summer. When they bloom, it is time to go back to school!
17. Try to grow organically as possible. Mulch is a great way to cut down on weeds which will prevent the need for weed killer and mulch will keep the soil moister during dry spells. Mix compost and/or topsoil into your garden each year to provide nutrients needed for plant growth. By growing without chemicals, your child will be able to eat a tomato right from the vine…there is nothing better!
18. Let your child harvest their own vegetables. There is nothing better than picking your salad fixings for the day! This will encourage your child to eat their vegetables I promise! Your child will love to eat “garden to table”!
19. Keep it fun…start small! Most new gardeners try something too big and then quickly become discouraged with the experience. Just grow one tomato plant and supplement your “garden” with a trip to the Farmer’s Market! We always had enough green beans from our small garden for at least one dinner. The kids would always ask, “Our these our beans?” With a little white lie, our kids ate green beans the whole summer!
There are some great children’s books that can be fun to read with your child as you start your garden:
Growing Vegetable Soup by Lois Ehlert
Pumpkin Pumpkin by Jeanne Titherington
Tops and Bottoms by Janet Stevens
This is the Sunflower by Lola M. Schaefer
Whose Garden Is It? by Mary Ann Hoberman
The Carrot Seed by Ruth Krauss
The Tiny Seed by Eric Carle
Oliver’s Vegetables by Vivian French
Stone Soup by Marcia Brown
Alison’s Zinnia by Anita Lobel
Get a little dirty….plant a few seeds and you will see your child’s excitement grow as the plants grow, and who knows you might just raise a kid that likes his vegetables!
Take a breath, enjoy the joyful moments of each day, and remember you don’t have to be perfect to be the perfect parent.
Cindy
Loving Touch is Important at Every Age!
This past Saturday I visited with our twenty something son. As he walked in, he gave me a big hug and I kissed him on the cheek. As I was preparing for my parenting groups this week I was thinking about that moment. The hug and kiss of my son, who is definitely a young man now, was as sweet ( albeit a bit more scruffy and I was on my tip toes) as the snuggle I would have with him as a baby. Loving touch with your child is at the center of a parent and child bond. The connection between child and parent through touch is undeniable. I am a firm believer in the importance of touch and our children….from birth, to toddler years, preschool, school age, and yes even in the awkward teens. Continuing the physical hugs and kisses are important for your child and you.
Snuggles and touches are natural for most parents with an infant. Infant massage has been proven to provide many benefits for babies. Routine loving massage can help an infant
- Gain weight
- Calm
- Improve sleep
- Improve their latch for nursing
- Increase bonding
- Improve neurological development
- Improve their immune system
- Decrease teething pain
- Decrease congestion
- Learn body awareness
- Learn that touch is a loving expression
- and the list goes on…..
Getting started…
- Turn off th TV, cell phone and other distractions. This is time to concentrate on your baby alone.
- Warm up the room and your hands.
- Lie your baby on his/her back a warm towel or blanket.
- Use a vegetable based oil. (if you could eat it, then it is OK)
- Make sure you are calm.
- Make eye contact with your baby.
- Ask permission to touch, show your baby your hands.
- Lay your hands on your child lovingly. Often babies prefer touch on legs and feet first.
- Use light gentle touch, but not a tickle touch.
- Move from the center out…upper thigh to foot.
- Give equal treatment to both sides of the body!
- Movements should be slow and relaxed…like a lullaby. Sing while you do it! 🙂
- Start with a short session and watch your baby’s cues. If your baby wiggles away, fusses, looks away, then stop and try again at another time. As your baby becomes accustomed to massage, the length of time may increase. You don’t have to massage your baby’s whole body, just the parts that he or she enjoys!
Technique:
- Make eye contact with your baby and sing or talk to him–or play music.
- Breath, relax yourself
- Hold one foot in one hand and use the other hand to milk the leg. Squeeze thigh to foot, this is the “milking” motion.
- Roll leg between hands from thigh to ankle, like you are rolling dough or clay.
- Finish with long strokes from thigh to foot.
- Press the sole of your baby’s foot with your thumbs. Massage each toe. Play “this little piggy”.
- Repeat on other leg.
- Follow same process of milking, rolling, and stroking on the arms.
- Press the palm of your baby’s hand with your thumbs. Massage each finger.
- Slide your palm and fingers in a circular motion from the ribs downward. Then move clockwise around the tummy. Smooth the chest like pages in a book.
- If you have used massage for a while, some babies will allow you to massage their face. Massage face with light fingertips stroking across the forehead from the center to the sides. Massage tears ducts. Move down nose and on the sides. Use a circular motion from the temples down the side of the face.
- Massage shoulders and use long strokes down the back and on the bottom.
Remember…the intent of your touch is much more important than your technique! Just relax and enjoy!!
I Love You massage for colic or gas
- Trace the letter “I” on the right side of your baby’s tummy. Start just under his ribs and move down to your baby’s hip.
- Now stroke from left to right on your baby’s lower tummy making the long part of the letter “L”.
- Make a short downward stroke on the right side of your baby’s tummy making the short to complete the “L”.
- Complete the “I love you” by making an upside down “U” starting at your baby’s left hip and circling along the top of the tummy and down the right side.
- Continue these strokes to help calm a gassy tummy.
Massage can continue to some degree all the way through childhood. There were nights that I sat on the side of my children’s bed and massaged an aching tummy or head, and I have massaged sore muscles after a big game or meet. The continued touch with your child will keep you connected in many ways. There were certainly times when I hugged my children in those teen years and I got an eye roll too…but because of those continued “loving touches” through the years, the hugs in the stands of a high school football games, college track meets, quick weekend visits at school, and now when our “adult” (they will always be my kids) kids visit those hugs and kisses continue. Don’t underestimate the value of teaching your child the benefits of touch as an expression of love.
Check out your local hospital for classes on infant massage.
Take a breath, enjoy the joyful moments of each day, and remember you don’t have to be perfect to be the perfect parent.
Cindy
